Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Disappearing

It's only natural for the sea to ebb

And pull back from where the little house stood

Noble and brass on the shore.

But I, too, stood there,

And for you to go out, disappearing, with the tide

I believe, is anything but natural.

Author notes

Yayy, I'm not writing about me anymore!!!!!

That's good. Seriously.

And look. The stanzas are even like waves. I'm just on a roll.

A contest entry

Est-ce que ça te dit?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Mirthryl
    April 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice comparison of natural and unnatural ebbs. I don't think I'm understanding what aspects of the little house you are refering to, when you say "noble and brass". Noble (Nobility) homes were usually large, and I don't understand the "brass" reference, either as metallic or brashness.
    I like your repetition and similie, of "the little house stood" and "I, too, stood there". Very nice "And for you to go out, disappearing with the tide, I believe is anything but natural" sounds like the shipwreck of a relationship. Nice imagery!
    Thank you for your thoughts, and your entry in my contest!

  • staticshakedown
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it a lot :3


  • Porcelain Princess
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    gorgeous, girl.

    <3


  • buggirl
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem, although it is short, that's good (and I guess it's the contest lol) I think it's really especially pretty, and I like the "waves"

    anyway, although I haven't commented on another person's poem in a while, I decided to comment on this one because you wrote in french for the comment thing, and although that's not THAT strange, I just finished a poem and I did the same thing... so, I looked at your author page and you play the viola (I do too) and you're from the state next to mine (NJ) and if we lived in the same place I feel like we'd be friends. Sorry, that's just my opinion and I'm a bit of a stalker. but it creeped me out and it was cool.

    anyway, I did really like your poem


    • Athena of Starlite
      April 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oh wow, are you like my good twin or something?? xD

      thanks btw. there are a lot of creepier things you could do on the internet, so don't sweat it or anything. lol

1 - 5 of 5