Flowing away like water in a rushing river,
Her love is all but gone from her,
Ebbing with the tide,
She think she's losing it,
When she finally see's him again.
And he's alive.
Different is his appearance,
Skin as pale as moonlight,
Lips as crimson as a red rose,
Her name he speaks,
Calling softly with outstretched hand.
"Come away with me my love."
A contest entry
- Ebb by Mirthryl.
1050 points, ended April 21, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Aww so beautiful dear... I love this one... This paints a great scene in my head... Wonderful dear...
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I like your title, and the way it could apply to either the young man, "he's alive...Different" or the young woman, who "is all but gone." Perhaps it would connect better with the final lines to remove "is all" from line 10, since he then proceeds to call softly, "Come away...."?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your entry into my contest. -
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Thank you and actually what you said made perfect sense, when re-read, it didn't make sense, but once edited, it was much better.
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i love this poem i love the detail and the imaginary you have used, so many good descriptons of detial, great poem, keep writing,
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