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Yelling

You keep on yelling,
And my heart goes cold.
You're the reason for my rebelling,
But all you do is scold.
Do you hear me explain,
Or am I mute to you?
You drive me insane,
Make my heart black and blue,
I'm only so young,
Yet, I've experienced so much.
But even with a slip of the tongue.
You make me numb to the touch.
I still have years ahead.
And though you may not see,
Because of you, I'm dead.

Author notes

option #1
I wrote it for a conteset, but writing it took a load off my shoulders.

A contest entry

BE honeset BE cruel

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • unwrittenstory
    July 2, 2008
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    wow this really speaks to me. Its so true and honest, and it hits really close to home. Great job.


  • aj.vamp
    June 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hey, thanks for all the positive feedback. I really am touched how people can relate to this. I understand how parents could be, and I vent my anger by writing, and this really helped so much.


  • blood demon
    May 13, 2008

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    not bad not bad at all i really like it u write from another place really i feel this was written from personal expierience write me back and tell me if i was right


  • XxBrOkEnxDrEaMzxX
    May 8, 2008

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    this is how my parents make me feel, i deffantly understand where your coming from. great poem, good luck in the contest


  • boydamaged
    May 8, 2008

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    Wow...
    Really great and I can totally relate this with my mother. We def. don't get along (to say the least) and she totally makes me feel this way.
    Amazing job. I loved the flow and the wording was great. Simple and to the point yet you expressed so much emotion and heartache. Keep it up.


  • ClandestineKiss
    May 4, 2008

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    WOW

    Simply amazing. heart breaking but true...very true...
    You keep on yelling,
    And my heart goes cold.
    You're the reason for my rebelling,
    But all you do is scold.
    love it love it love it. you've got some serious talent.


  • Quotidian Detritus
    May 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice rhyme, you managed to make it flow and not be clunky as rhyme can be sometimes. The last four lines stand out to me, I was just thinking of myself and how strongly people affect me in this type of way. Good job with this,
    Blaqk <3


  • ucancallmereal
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. that was really good i think. im sure many can relate to this and you expressed your feelings well. great write!
    i know you might feel dead but never give up the fight you can be happy in spite of what they do to you!


  • PonyPride
    April 21, 2008

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    great write, well written. that last line still throws the flow of a little but I reread it and I still like the poem. I've thought about it a little mor and it really is a good ending. Sometimes i guess you just have to reread things. good work.


  • kacooper
    April 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, yet so sad
    "Because of you, I'm dead."
    Very well written
    Thanks for the great read ^_^

  • PonyPride
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very heartfelt poem, gorgeous write. Everything was great, except my advise to you would be fix the second to last line because it throws off the flow a little, still though I will place you in the finalist list.. but perhaps considering altering that line a bit but dont change your message and metaphor

1 - 11 of 11