My heart barely beats now,
expunged of all passion-
Our strange sex once seemed
the angular essence of rainbows-
This heated fusion has since cooled
to a more rigid condition-
While the prism of my illusion
disperses its smoke prison,
the colors float out of my womb.
Author notes
Image Inspired ~ The artist for this picture is unknown...
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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your poem, like the picture, has a smokey sensuality, and your unique feminine voice shows a side of passion, it's white hot lights broken (prism) becoming the fading colors of a rainbow. i am coming to believe that sensual and erotic poetry, at least on this site, is more artfully captured by the women writers than by the men. in general. i would be the exception, but then, i'm a fish. -spawningfish
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A colorful, unique, and imaginative poem.....
with a touch of sophistication....
only you could write this, honey!
Brilliant...really brilliant!
Galaxy2
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Crisp and very well structured. And, it expresses how things change. From rainbows to prisms. The colors float out of my womb. Excellent!
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tight, concise yet evocative.
"sex once seemed .... the angular essence of rainbows"
"angular essence of rainbows" that really makes me pause. Visual, a little distressing somehow, but penetrating. Perspective of sight, of emotion, of perception. Phrase that have layers of impressions are precious. Nice capture.
"This heated fusion has since cooled to a more rigid condition"
Ouch.... Been there. No one wants to, but like many natural forces, gravity is not always our friend.
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Romantically..
melancholy with an emptiness that screams
for revival. This piece was beautiful in
its expression with a passion for love and
intimacy that is undeniable.
Very nice work Ithica
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Wow this was something to read Well done!
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In all honesty, I'm not sure if I understand how this applies to the prompt at all. I guess the idea of illusion is there. But in general, I feel like the tone of the the prompt and the idea of the prompt is completely overlooked. That's the only thing that I could place that is parellel with it.
This poem was an interesting poem. My interpretation being that it's of a fantasy, a sort of pure orgasmic pleasure. It's very erotic. My favourite line would have to be "Our strange sex once seemed the angular essence of rainbows." It shows a nostalgia to how enjoyable it used to be and how beautiful it once was. I like the term "strange sex" as well. There are so many meanings behind it. Literally, you can see strange sex being abnormal... kinky.. but also it can be estranged, abnormal, just -wrong.-
As far as suggestions, I don't have much (aside from maybe getting rid of the hyphen at the bottom of the poem. I doubt this is there for a reason, but it's slightly off.) I do like the poem, and your style is done well.
Thank you, and I hope to see more writing by you. -
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OhNoChastity...
I'm not sure I get you...? The prompt I chose "It's getting darker and my eyes deceived me." Is exactly what I wrote the poem about... She thought she'd seen the colors of the rainbow, the light of love, but it was an illusion... smoke prison [imposing darkness] colors fade...[absence of light or color is black ie: darkness...???] Seems obvious to me... but then I wrote it??? Just curious...??? -
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Ahh understood. I didn't quite understand the loss of love in this. I think I got caught up in the sexual part of it. Thank you for correcting me! In all honesty, I would not have been able to decipher that, but I can definitely see the metaphors now. Interesting. It makes it more interesting to me, actually. The metaphors are so hidden, but in reality, they're really well done.
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Ummm.... MINDBLOWING! Unexpected as I clicked 'next poem in this contest'. Great write... and I wish you luck in the contest!
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Cool
Wish I could relate. Can't remember when I had my last wet dream. But, this is a very effective poem in its wording for creating emotion. Well Done ~Gar
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Another very creatively written piece by you....Love the imagery!!!! Very well done...
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Short piece, but the wording is strong and leaves a lasting impression. Very contemplative.
Good write.
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Wow,
Now this is a very creative piece,
wonderfully inscribed for the contest.
I wish you all the best, I enjoyed!
Peace, Timothy
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Wonderful
Very creative and well expressed. A terrific creation for the theme. best of luck in the contest.
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Stellar.
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'the angular essence of rainbows'--supberb turn of phrase. Perhaps the right type of friction will 'reheat the fusion'
Joe
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normal exaserbation...
where the anarchy comes back to swallow, the mystery blocks the passage and asks, "May I have this chance?"
smoke prison excellent phrase...
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Keep up the good work
Nicely Done!
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Wonderful words and imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Ken
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Ok, *I step back four feet and look at you*
You do realize that all great poets are psychotic?
Love,
Amera
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Amera
Is that an admission of guilt O greatest of all???
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Get the lithium batteries, they last longer. Nice poem!
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PerVirtuous
Unfortunetly, I am already privy to this knowledge...
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The ache of our vivid desires leaves fires in our being that long for creation. You capture this ever so well and leave a feeling of a magical spell spun to capture the spirit of the lover.
Love, Tom B.
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Brilliant
Oustanding take on the prompt. Each time I raed it I only could say WOW! You blew me away
Wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Many blessings
David
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Blown away with this awesome write
Read twice and I am in love with your words.
Thank you for sharing those thoughts
Julie
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