Secrets

This world is changing too fast for me,
people and things and loves.
This is –not- the life I wanted.
I miss the dropout.
I miss his smell, his taste, the warmth of his touch
and the look in his eyes of pure lust that always sent chills through me.
I miss the demon.
I miss his laugh, his moans, the deepness of his voice
and the way he made my day, dammit, even the way he made me cry.
I miss the mother.
The way you used to care, mother dearest, is what I miss,
and the way you used to be proud of me.
I miss the best friend.
I miss who you used to be – the you I knew
and the days you knew better than to fall for such facades.
I miss laughing and I miss smiling
and I miss knowing who I am.
I miss being someone’s hero.
I miss making someone’s day.
I miss being someone’s baby girl
baby doll
precious
princess
-kitten-
sweetheart
lover
one-and-only
temptation
desire
I miss being somebody’s something.
I miss the way he called me gorgeous
and the things she used to say.
I miss so much in this world.
I have lost so much and I still lose more with each passing day.
Fate has turned me bitter
unloveable and bitchy,
but I’ll smile and promise you all it’s okay
because these secrets I will always keep
hidden far, far away.