When I married you
you gave me a promise
written in religion
and a sweet liar kiss
CHORUS:
Give me back my wedding day
Just want you to go away
Your words are like water
Your heart is like fire
Your lie is our daughter
And our bed is our pyre
CHORUS 2:
We love like a battlefield
But I already surrendered
You take all your spoils
And all the pain you rendered
VERSE 2:
He leaves the house
When I come home at night
Your smile says hello
A husband's favorite slight
CHORUS:
Give me back my wedding day
Just want you to go away
Your words are like water
Your heart is like fire
Your lie is our daughter
And our bed is our pyre
BREAKDOWN
A whispered "I love you"
hurts more than our past
Why can't I leave you?
This will never last
CHORUS 2:
We love like a battlefield
But I already surrendered
You take all your spoils
And all the pain you rendered
CHORUS:
Give me back my wedding day
Just want you to go away
Your words are like water
Your heart is like fire
Your lie is our daughter
And our bed is our pyre
But I'd rather live in shattered dreams
'Cause letting go is harder than it seems
Author notes
I love the song Ringfinger, by NIN, and I thought that I'd write something loosely based off that. I looked at NIN lyrics for Ringfinger at:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nineinchnails/ringfinger.html
Also, I know that your contest said to write something that transcends lyrics...however...I find lyrics to be very powerful. The repetition alone makes the message fly home. that and I am partial to lyrics. But if you don't like, you can always DQ me (totally your choice) so I won't worry too much.
A contest entry
- I just made you up, to hurt myself ♥ (NIN inspired) by Lauren Noir.
925 points, ended May 4, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what to improve
Comments
-
When I first saw that it was lyrics my face kind of fell, but reading it- it was well written.
I saw every influence from the song, and that made it powerful, so it didn't really need to be in poem form. So I was impressed, yes indeed.
the words; amazing
Well done
Good luck
And thank you


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Painful
The husband's favorite slight was a total zinger...this poem is filled with tough as nails (pun intended) emotions and images that bring the message of the chorus home...painfully.


