A glossy skin—
flawlessly smooth;
curving gently in shades
of sunset;
of cardinal;
of blood...
vivid hues, keeping safe
sweet, pale fruit.
Tempting
as a snowfall
behind the rose-petal
veil—
so quick,
to pierce with teeth
of pearls...
and at the heart
rest ebony truths
waiting to take root
and sprout, sprawling
pain, loss, death
--verity.
See it glow, framed
by bowing leaves...
taunting;
for if fingers stretch,
twisting,
and lips trace circles
as intoxication wafts,
and secret truths are
promised...
then why shouldn’t one
disobey?
Author notes
username: catauthor
assignment number two: poem with (one) image
I think the metaphor for this image is pretty obvious--hopefully not too obvious, but you did say to make it simple.
And, erm, not to turn this into a religious conversation, but I'd just like to say that I am not Christian, and that I wrote this poem for symbolism, not to offend or bible-push. Just so that's clear.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 10 (Top 4) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended April 14, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This had a nice flow. I think some metaphors were unnecesary and kind of cluttered the poem. Again, I didn't feel much emotion in this- like I could tell you were feeling something, but there wasn't a huge wave of emotion I was hoping for. But this was very well written.
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I love the flowing line breaks and structure of the poem. Adds more of an impact.
I like the theme of this. I think this was very well written, and I loved it.
I'm getting cut, not you, Asfand.
~Cassie
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*roll eyes*
Stop saying that, Cassie! I bet a billion imaginary dollars that you aren't leaving this round.
Thanks for the nice comment! -
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a BILLION?
*steals the money and runs*
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i wonder if you read IMAGINARY -
lol. greedy cassie!
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A billion imaginary dollars is better than none at all.
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I love where you took this, especially the beautiful imagery here and there. i loved the wording at most parts, it carried with a wonderful tone and setting.
i think it's a little more tell as compared to show than most of your other poems (maybe it's just me, but i thought of that!)
it seems i'm getting cut this week.
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*snort* Asfand, getting cut?
pfft. When hippopotami fly through the clouds with sparkly pink wings, leaving a trail of rainbow-colored bowling balls that explode into purple kittens, then I'll believe that.
Thanks for the show/tell hint...I'll see if I can change that...
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