six inches above the bed
we float sustained by
long drawn ancient breaths
enhanced palms and fingers
tasting one another like tongues
my eyes penetrate you deeply
you swallow me with your legs
senses are not confused at all
but overlapping, sharing, magnifying,
pulling every fiber of sensory love taut
and weaving it into a rainbow tapestry...
a luffing sail against the breeze
an eddy on a puddle surface
the crashing waves from the sea
as hearts reach through lips to touch
Author notes
ME: "...And I never, ever kiss and tell!"
CHORUS: "WHAT NEVER?"
ME: "No, never!"
CHORUS: "WHAT NEVER?"
ME:"Mmmmm, well... Hardly eveeeeeeeeer!"
- Perverted from H.M.S. Pinafore by Gilbert and Sullivan
In a list
A contest entry
- Tonight - Men Only by Dalaney.
1400 points, ended May 9, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I had to come and read this. You weren't getting to me, until suddenly "... a luffing sail against the breeze..." KAPOW! Sometimes a phrase can change a poem for this reader. Good silver, and no plate.
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Great silver, with a gold tinge
Frankly I like the LAST line, but well writ all the way through.
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How did I miss this???
Wow.. that is fantastic... love the sensuality in this!
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You waited until you could handle it?
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I like it!....but not 1000 points worth.
Good luck in the contest.
Paul
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(psst)
"...
No more than 15 lines..." -
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I count 15. Word counts 15. What's the punchline?
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Oh that's right, AP counts the spaces too...nevermind...
Paul
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Very well done Allan, gold for sure.
mj.
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Excellent write, Allan. Good luck in the contest.
Brazos
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I want to 'see' more personification...can you put more of your personal self in it(smile)sorry, flashback, wishing you well with this in the contest
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It's a quickie for heaven's sakes! Ha ha ha.
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wonderful job..cant ssay anything more about this one.
Love
passions
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Oh my! This is beautiful; is this about sex? I shouldn't be reading this but I like it.
Love,
Amera♥
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Beautiful write, Allan. I liked the parts of the eyes penetrating and the swallowing of the legs. Seemed very metaphorical and conveyed lots of emotion. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
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"a luffing sail against the breeze..." When I read this line I felt a shiver go through me...this is so beautiful. Allan, I couldn't ask for anything more than this. Love, Lane
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