loud
obsessed
vibrations
enhance senses…
attacked tamed subdued
thrashing stimulations…
time sounds colors intermix
heat breath touch visions promises
every word resonates so deeply…
patterned around you ringing clearly
etching mind’s eye chiseled sculpting the soul
never to hear you over the din
nerves addicted an opiate
'yes' the most sought after sound…
all fades refocusing
reaching soft corners
candles incense
air currents
dim my
eyes…
In a list
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [first round] by blackday.
600 points, ended April 23, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wayne, I have no clue what this poem was about. This is a far cry from your audition poem. I don't know if you're trying to play to me or something, but this just wasn't that great. You adhered to the form, but the form constricted your meaning. It read like a bunch of words thrown together.
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I honestly think you are better than that.
I prefer free verse rather than form; but from what I can see here, this was likely difficult and is probably something I couldn't do myself...so I don't have much room to talk when it comes to criticism. I don't know anything about this form anyway.
Just in general...from what I have seen from you in the past, even though this is very nice, I do think you have more to offer. Anyhow, you're a great guy and a talented poet, and I wish you luck in the voting.
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this isn't bad Wayne.... I liked the form of it and the way it flowed.... but I don't see how it relates to the arcade in all honesty.... maybe it's just hidden and others see it.... but i dont.... good luck! Meg <3
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