I'm trying to get closer to you,
Really I am.
But I keep messing that up.
I keep going back
To the one person
Who ruins everything...
I dont want to go to him,
But...he was there.
I didnt know what to do.
You werent; he was.
So I took the opportunity...
And ruined something amazing.
Its not ruined for you
Because you havent a clue
As to what I did...
What I did to you...
What I did to me...
What I did to us...
I ruined it all.
Im disgusted with myself,
And I dont know why I did it.
...I have to live with that...
For the rest of my life...
I guess thats punishment enough?
And though I know...it was wrong...
Im sorry but...I kept doing it.
I was wrong...
And it tears me up inside.
Every single day...
Every single night.
And I know the tears that I cry
Are so happy to finally get out
Of a contaminated body...
I feel sick...
I feel many things,
But the strongest out of all,
Is unbelief.
I regret doing it...
I made myself sick,
But I still cannot believe
That I even did it.
I'm sorry...
Thats all I can really say...
I dont know why,
But Im just wasting my breath.
You're never going to know
The depth of what I did.
We are based on trust...
So you've got to trust me
When I say
"I'm fine...its nothing."
You have to believe that lie.
Im not really giving you a choice.
I figured writing this
Would clear my conscience...
I was obviously wrong...
So I guess this is just an
Unnecessary apology...
Author notes
Option 2.
For others who read this (people who know me, friends--close friends--my oreo), dont even go there. I only wrote this as a fresh-write for a contest. And that is its ONLY purpose. So dont assume the worst (especially my Oreo if reading)
A contest entry
- Contest! come and join!!!! by I-Feel-weightless.
360 points, ended May 1, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
......
Comments
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Wow. Hannah. I'm quite glad that this is not something that really happened to you. Firstly because you and Alvero are perfect for each other, because he makes you happy. And second, bceause I feel that way about something I've done recently and it is such a painful feeling that I don't want you to go through it. You are very talented Muffin, you pulled the emotion off very well for someone that isn't in that situation.
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Little Girl
You sure know how to pull a range of emotions out of people and The poemseemes so sinsere that its scary. i was half expecting to have to ask you what happened. its really good though. You did and excellent job.
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holy....(bleep) this sounds like well...cough cough..something im doin right now..i truely understand this write...its was great..you really expreessed this piece quite well...its amazing how quicky your writes keep getting stronger love...
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