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Sygh.

Looking up at all the stars,
I believe there to be.
I know quite well that for all
there fiery unconcerned going on's
I can go either go to heaven or
go straight to hell.

Now how would it feel
if the stars burned with a
unbridaled affection for me
at a temporal earnestness
which I could never return?

If equal fondness cannot be
then let the more
loving one be me.

As for the stars
they don't give a damn.
One by one
each star will disappear
fading into a drawn out death.

I'll look out toward the vast empty space above
and I will remember the pin hole spirits
welcoming the feelings
of it's total dark sublime.

Give me a little time, please.
This will take some getting use to.

Audrey Evans
10/6/2002

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Palas Kumar Ray
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    Sygh!!!
    I find it little less relevant to the given prompt though it touches it somewhere.Thanks for entering into my contest "Time" and best of luck.


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    inspiring write. stars are our friends, and they are wonderful things to look at. thanks for sharing and good luck.

  • piccola silver member
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Looking up at all the stars,
    I believe there to be.
    I know quite well that for all
    there fiery unconcerned going ons
    I can go either go to heaven or
    go straight to hell.

    nice job. It should be "goings on" however, just as it is mother's in law, etc.

    Also "I can go either go to heaven or
    go straight to hell." the word go is used twice making it kind of redundant. You might just say, I can go either to heaven or hell ..."

    In any case, thank you for the entry


  • InMyFlames
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so much easier to read i like where you have separated the stanzas good job

  • InMyFlames
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i would suggest to separate this into stazas it makes it easier to read, you have great vocab and this and a lovely poem well done and thanks for entering


    • AudreyEvans
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I know this is way late responce to your comment on my poem, "Sygh.", but I finally got to your suggestion and applied the stazas to my poem. Please feel free to check it out and tell me what you think..

      Thanks
      Audrey Palmer
      aka rubyvaroom

    • AudreyEvans
      July 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your advice, comment and support. I will mess around with your idea and see the end result. Thanks again.
      Audrey Evans
      aka rubyvaroom


  • Shya
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A deep and thought-provoking poem. I loved it so much...filled with great imagery. Thanks for entering!


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great i loved it. my favorite part is when you said "Looking up at all the stars,
    I believe there to be.
    I know quite well,
    that for all there fiery unconcerned going ons," thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly

  • kales4
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. I loved the first two lines of your poem. There are many things in life that we only know as someone else has told us and the stars are one thing that falls into that category. Great write and good luck


  • DawnKestrel
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    Good luck in my contest!


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    quite profound

    • AudreyEvans
      June 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I thank you for your supportive words. I just finished peeking around on your page, geez, maybe I don't really understand what I have written to recive, "quite profound" from some one as epic in sheer volume of wrttien work as you have displayed on your authors page.
      Still I will take your what you said and boast to all my friends and family that, I too have what it takes to be a well regaurded writer and poet. Good time, good times will be had. Thank you.
      Audrey Evans


  • GossamerAlice
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh oh oh oh oh oh golly.
    This is beautiful.
    Simply beautiful.
    I am a lover of language and you got me. The way you just used your words is amazing and the words you used... jeez. Impressive and lovely.
    The title kind of made me leery and interested. I was like "wait... what is this? nonsense? o.o" but then I though "oooh, creativity and something... different!" And that it was. Different and good! XD
    I got this contemplative and delicate feel to the whole thing.
    Like one night when I ran away and was living with a friend. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and lied in the wet grass and stared at the stars and thought about life and death and where I was going and how small I felt. Small and insignificant. Like "what do they care that I'm down here, lost, and thinking." I got that same feel from this poem. The same feeling I had that night almost a year ago.
    I don't know if that's what you were going for, but nonetheless, you thoroughly impressed me!


  • Shenanigans
    May 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well the first half is very optimistic--talk of heaven, hell, higher powers, stars burning with affection, a general hopeful view of the universe. And the second half was very isolated, the stars dont give a damn, etc. And I wondered if maybe its about starting out optimistic until something happens, but because of how you used to feel, the idea we're alone in the universe takes some getting used to...?

  • Shenanigans
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmm, I read this twice and its really cool. I've gotten a different message each time, which is wild. Perhaps third times a charm...

    • AudreyEvans
      May 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Re; Sygh.

      Why thank you! I would like to know what were the two different messages you got from reading my work, "Sygh"? I would really like to know.
      Audrey Evans


  • xstarvingartist
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah. i like this.
    could you please go back and read the rules?


  • MoJu
    April 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was something very beautiful. And very rare. The spelling killed me, though. But this was so thoughtful, soft...

    Smooth one, Audrey, whoever you are.

1 - 19 of 19