the pain of a scared teenager

I sit in the bathroom,
I close the door
the silence is overwhelming,
as I cry on the floor.
I pull out the blade
and some tissue,
I raise my pant leg.
I listen for the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs,
not hearing any
I make a new wound
I don't cut deep,
but it starts to bleed
I cry and think about my boyfriend
he made me swear to stop and I thought I had
I guess the urge was just to great.
I make another cut and another
I hear footsteps,
I dry my eyes
I put band-aids on and hide the evidence.
I stand up and walk out of the bathroom
I head across the hall to my bedroom ,
call my boyfriend say sorry
admit the truth to him at what I had just done.
he is silent a bit mad but he wishes he could do something
I cry and wait till saturday.
he wraps me in his arms and hugs me
"its ok." he says a tear coming down his cheek,
I look at him and down at my feet walking away.
I wish I could walk away from the truth but I can't
I am addicted to him and the blade,
but more then that
I want to hang onto life.
I have to stop
I am thinking about weed,
I am thinking about crack,
I know how to get it but I can't.
I have to live
today is the day.
I stop everything
I call my boyfriend
I tell him the news
we talk for awhile.
saturday comes
good spirits are everywhere.
we walk around we hug we talk,
we are happy now,
we smile
mabey, even one day we will kiss.