My bleeding emotions
Are pouring out
On the cold stone floor…
The fire in your eyes
Begins to laugh as they
See the glisten of dark
Crimson seeping through
The cracks …
With one last kick
You now have me down...
Thoughts in the appearance of
Tears now begin a mellifluous
Flow down my warm cheek
As I say my last goodbye…
Author notes
Not the greatest poem you've ever read, I know. A little hard to understand maybe..so don't hesitate to ask if you're clueless.
Personal Piece..
Please critique this..and maybe help for a title name
Written December 9th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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hey, mellifluous, cool word, no? something having to do with honey and that sort of thing, lol. great write, no?
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I liked it except i dont know what "mellifluous" means... now i feel dumb but yeah.... umm i really liked this though except for the fact that i couldnt understand that one word... but it sounds like a cool word...hehe...umm well yeah im going to curl up into a ball now... lol!
Sarah
Edited on Apr 03, 9:38 p.m. because ''. -
*Sniff* I'm not a long-haired asshole... I'm a long-haired cute dude who likes penguins ^_^.
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NOTHING was wrong with this poem, Sarah! It's awesome. I love it. It's so sad though..
But I can understand why you're sad. You have a right to be. (Damn long-haired assholes.. -_-) But this was a great poem..It really was. You know I'm always, ALWAYS here if you need to talk. I LOVE YOU!
Ashlee
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Everyone seems to depressed...I even hold myself in that catagory. Ack...Powerful stuff, here...And I think it is a GREAT poem...
Keep it up and all that jazz--
!~YS4e~!
Scarlett -
you say it's not the best, and i say it's DEFINITELY not the worst! in fact, i think this is pretty darn good! you said a lot in such a short poem, and i always think its really awesome when people do that, cuz i can't. great job, i love it
Lei
ALSO, i like tht title
i think you should keep it.
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doesnt really matter if its the greatest poem I have ever read, could be the worst for all you know
but I dont judge poems on whether or not they are "good" or proper english or use specific styles of poetry.....I like the ones that make me feel
and this one made me feel
tis a good one, it tis
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Awwwwwwwww... Sarah! I know how you feel! If you ever need to talk, remember I'm here! This was actually really good! I liked this part the best:
Tears now begin a mellifluous
Flow down my warm cheek
As I say my last goodbye…
That was great! You really should write more often! (Shouldn't we all? Lol.) I LOVE YOU!!!
~*Samantha*~
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