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Sleeping Through

 

 

He avoided the plague of thinking;
ignoring the bruises and wounds
she gifted to him,
beneath his pillow.
 
Gliding silently towards his exit,
she looked back to see his arms reaching out -
for her and she blew a kiss
[to the cabbie]

His nose wrinkled at the disturbance,
hand over heart, it was as if
he protected himself from her,
whimpering from the quiet ruffle of silk.
He reached again [for nothing]
and slept on,
guarding the scent of her hair
on his cheeks.

She walked out, stumbling through corridors
of photographed facades
and told herself it didn't matter.
Remorse was built over pedestals of pride,
never a backward look,
never a stolen kiss -
just propelling to move forward

 


and leave him behind.



Author notes

Entry for Project Poetry - Round 1
Prompt:: Fragile. Do not drop.

By Shirley & Chandni

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • April Somerston
    June 20, 2008

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    I agree with blackday about the ending to this one--about not knowing whether to reject or embrace its blunt simplicity compared to the (terrific) poem preceding it. The parenthetical phrases are excellently-placed and not overdone and you are very good with unique language: "remorse was built over pedestals of pride." OOO! Love it! Not a cliche to spare, my friend!

    By the way, I found you through a comment you made on a poem of mine about a year and a half ago and I like your work a LOT.


  • blackday
    April 20, 2008

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    The ending wasn’t my favorite part.

    In fact, I’d have to say the second stanza was. The cabbie remark, THAT would have been a better ending in my book. Not just the plainly stated “leave him behind.” That was just, like I said. Plain. I would have loved something sweet in my metaphorical mouth at the ending. Haha

    On the same note though, I can totally appreciate the simplicity though of the idea. She’s leaving. Simple as that. The poem uses some silky language, but in the end [or the last line for the matter] she’s leaving & it’s a done deal.

    I liked the second & third stanzas, as I half-way already states. Actually, I lied. I like the endings of the stanzas.

    Don’t get me wrong girls. I like the poem as a whole. You guys could have just, changed it up a little more.


  • wbiro gold member
    April 20, 2008

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    I like it- speaks of missed love passing in the night, and in each of our lives it happens daily, I'm estimating...
    the piece is understandable yet stylistic enough, and treats a potentially depression issue with a positive, accepting note; you have DARED to end on an upbeat! The Gods of Vogue shall chastize you!

  • AngieMae
    April 17, 2008

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    I loved seeing both sides of this story.

    Remorse was built over pedestals of pride,

    that line is so universal, so many regrets are built up because pride causes us to hold ourselves back. This collaboration really came out wonderful.


  • Tangled Angle
    April 17, 2008

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    Smooth flow, loved the character you have created, described. Good luck in the contest.

1 - 8 of 8