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Dancing in the Feilds

Dancing in the fields of lillies and clover,
I let my heart soar free,
To fly with the birds
High in the sky
Then to hunt with the beasts.

I can feel the rhythem
Of the beasts below
And the creatures high in the sky.
As the day drones on,
As the dawn turns to dusk...

What a beautiful sight this be.

Author notes

I absolutly love nature! anyone got an i dea? in a writers' block at the moment...

A contest entry

How do you think that I can improve? What was your first emotional response?

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Lanasaur
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    Cool..This is really good! Great job!!! i love the calmness in this poem.


  • albymyheart gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a lovely free feeling and an affinity with nature. That soaring feeling then contrasted with the passion of "beasts." The word "drones" has a monotonous and lagging connotation/meaning so I suggest you look for another word there.

    Take the constructive advice given in your comments so that you can improve. For example the spelling errors that need correcting.

    Your talent shows through in this wonderous write. I look forward to reading more of you. Well done

    alby


  • Beauty Of Silence
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    stunning!

    wonderful imagery here! powerful and strong write! keep penning! >.<

    ~beauty of silence

  • Erigeneia
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Spelling errors or not, it is a good piece. A beautiful feeling of freedom,

    I like it..

    ~E.


  • Missa
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful


  • simpliciti
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    nice message

    nice message! there are spelling errors in the title and the second verse. Thanxxx so much for entering-one applause per entry to be fair.


  • The FaeQueen
    April 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Vivid images. greatly written piece. makes me want to go outside and soak in the beauty of nature! but check your spelling honey.


  • Quill Bill
    April 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    beasts?

    I guess where you say beast you mean animals, beast to is a bit blunt I think of wild beast with big fangs, you can call a monster a beast, so to me it donesn't fit with the rest of you poem.


  • kristen13
    April 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yea Em I have to go with everyone alse. It is a good poem but SPELLING MISTAKES. LOL great poems. Keep up the good work!!


  • Bazza
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Poor effort

    Spellchecking would do a lot to improve this poem and could do with some emotion.


  • Princess-of-Chance
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You could improve by spellchecking! But its a good poem!

1 - 11 of 11