The cobra danced to hypnotic tune
played on his magickal wooden flute.
She hissed out in a whisper. "Was it good"?
"Reptile lady, Your playing was astute."
Last thing, Charmer, that needs to be done;
draw the venom from the dancing snake.
With bobbing movements, (she consummmate)
flowing poison, the woman did partake.
The scaled demon now withdraws from view
as the Snake Charmer recovers from bite
of the hideous reptile, half blinded,
from the one eyed who crawled from sight.
Author notes
Thanks for the link. This was another fun contest.
A contest entry
- Semi Quick Contest by Reptile Lady ADULT ONLY PLEASE by Reptile Lady.
550 points, ended April 8, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE ONLY :- FOR MY SNAKE BITE CONTEST by Reptile Lady by Reptile Lady.
300 points, ended April 11, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I love this and I fully understand it!!!!! Great job hon
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A very deep piece with interesting metaphore's playin in the back ground, my one small tip would be for you to copy and paste your works into office word if you have it as it helps sometimes with spelling and grammar.I did that with this one, you can see the changes are subtle but can add a different meaning.
keep up the good work i will look out for your name though i do not have favourites as I feel it spoils the suprise when I am running competitions.
The cobra danced to hypnotic tune
played on his magical wooden flute.
She hissed out in a whisper. "Was it good"?
"Reptile lady, your playing was astute."
Last thing, Charmer,that needs to be done;
draw the venom from the dancing snake.
With bobbing movements, (her consummate)
flowing poison, the woman did partake.
The scaled demon now withdraws from view
as the Snake Charmer recovers from bite
of the hideous reptile, half blinded,
and from the one eyed who crawled from sight.
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Great write! Love the rhyme, it doesn't seem forced in any way. Always have been intrigued by 'the snake charmer'
Congrats on HM!
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great write & take on prompt !
Tasha
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for as the cobra does dance her dance to the hypnotic tune, she whispered softly was it good? and as her venom flows away the charmer recovers from that which she did partake...a slow sensuous feel about the wickedness crawling away...bravo on the trophy...excellent read
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Humor ! me .. sure do..
I love this you have brought a to my face thats for sure.
Wonderful write
Thank you for your entry and good luck
Julie -
Your rhyming scheme was perfect. I felt a tinge of anger lurking between your words. Check on spelling of "magickal" First stanza, an amazing metaphor. (She consummate) would be considered forced rhyme, as it should have been consummated. I really liked your take on the prompt. Best wishes in this contest.
Shana -
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Hi Imahealer
Your right about 'tinge of anger'. (She consummate) is a nasty play on words that you will see if you pull apart the word. Sometimes, I have to explore my dark nature and the poison of my cobra. Their is a little bit of a reptile in all of us
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There is something very erotic about snakes, but I also sensed pain within this too. I enjoyed the and imagery to this and the picture it painted in my mind. Perfect for reptile lady. Good luck Greg. Sweetness
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Hi Sweetness
Expose the dark to see the light. My nature is dual. I have to come to grips with 'repressed anger', fear and insecurity. Sometimes, it will be in my poetry. What is amazing to my Neanderthal male mind is how quickly the poetesses pick up on that. Thank you, sugar -
Thanks sweetness
I hope she has a sense of 'wicked humor'.
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Great imagery here my friend
good luck in the contest.
e
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Forgive me
this was my worst and best in the same poem
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