We used to go on nature walks
way back in infant school,
we would stay close together
that was the golden rule,
the hedges held such treasures
like we had never seen,
but my best mate who kept a frog
knew of a Fairy Queen,
we all thought this a funny thing
and just could not believe,
he pointed to a clump of grass
where fluffed heads bob and weave,
'the fairies sit upon these stalks'
he spoke over his glasses,
'they fly away to find their Queen
each time gentle wind passes,'
he picked a stalk, each one for us
upon their heads to blow,
and to our great amazement
we all watched the fairies go.
A contest entry
- Innocence by just-an-amateur.
700 points, ended April 20, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Stroll Down Memory Lane (PW welcome) by thepoetsings.
700 points, ended August 2, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Precious Pearls ( Memories of Childhood ) ~ by everyone1.
525 points, ended September 2, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Charming piece. I liked how fanciful it was - little boys thinking the dandelion seeds are fairies (I think that might have been on the first Fantasia that came out?). I must admit that I probably would've liked it a lot better without rhyme (I'm just not fun like that, sorry!) because that just makes it feel too "cute" for me. I think it sort of disrupts the mood you set with the story. Still, a nice write; thanks for sharing!
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The only editorial comment I have pertains to line 18; I can see what you were trying to say with the latter half of the line, but the wording is a bit unclear. I realize you're working with rhyme and that's probably a large factor, but it might be worth glancing at.
Will comment further when judging the contest. I appreciate your entry! -
That picture is too cute! It truly adds to the Awww factor. Your rhyme was impeccable and your story-telling was a lot of fun to read. it reminds me of the things I used to believe in when I was little. I was a tree talker. They never answered back but that was the joy in it.
~M~
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OH This is truly delightful!! You have captured innocence and the promise of fantasies we have all enjoyed in childhood and possibly still some of us now
(shh but I love to blow the fairies to their destination of wonderland!
Beautifully written and so very enjoyable..
I am bookmarking this one my friend!!
All the best to you in the contest
Linda
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This is delightful and captures the wonder and excitement of a child's imagination. I found it to be a smooth well thought out rhyming verse. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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My daughter loves to blow these "faires" lol too! They are so beautiful floating by on the wind scattering everywhere! Amazing write with wonderful imagery I so enjoyed reading, keep up the beautiful writing my dear friend
Theresa
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