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Oceanus

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Oceanus


Where Oceanus circles the world;
is the place I want you to see.
Where colors and music are swirled
and mystical beings run free.

We will speak Avaric aloud
and the Starhorse will understand
as we break away from the crowd,
with the magic at our command.

The colors that shower your mind
flow from the beak of a sparrow.
Peace and harmony intertwined,
pierces your heart like an arrow.

The breast of the mountain of love,
yields a stream of musical tones,
that dance from the fountain above,
as they trickle o’er colored stones.

Let’s follow the path of the river,
take my hand and drink of my heart.
Love is the greatest forgiver
and I have loved you from the start.

 

 

 

Author notes

Oceanus; was believed to be the world-ocean in classical antiquity, which the ancient Romans and Greeks considered to be an enormous river encircling the world.

Avaric ; is one of six literary languages of Dagestan, Russia, where it is spoken not only by Avars, but also serves as the language of communication between different groups.

Art work by: amarys

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1 - 27 of 27

  • individuality gold member
    April 10, 2008

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    hehehe come on let's dance poetry


  • Pandorea
    April 9, 2008

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    this is really beautiful! i really like ti. the flow was brilliant and not a word seemed out of place.


  • Chocolate Chip
    April 9, 2008

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    "Let’s follow the path of the river,
    take my hand and drink of my heart.
    Love is the greatest forgiver
    and I have loved you from the start." <---Favourite line!!

    i love this poem sooo much!! i love the imagery it creates in my head; i love how it flows soo smothly; i love the way it rhymes! truly amazing!


  • WhisperingSpirit
    April 8, 2008

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    Wow

    This is absoultly beautiful Amera
    What words they sing from theheart my friend
    Each and every line was more captivating.
    I beleive this is somthing I just had to read,
    If ever a poem, with such spoken beauty
    you have concerd it here.
    Thank you forsharing this with us all
    I hope evryone takes the time to read this one.
    You sure have a beautiful way with words.
    Thank you my friend.


  • Dalaney gold member
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    no words for now...just a hug.
    i'm still lost in your magic...

    love, lane


  • StarEyes
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Truly Exquisite!!

    How did I miss this one? This is truly magnificant!!

    "Let’s follow the path of the river,
    take my hand and drink of my heart.
    Love is the greatest forgiver
    and I have loved you from the start."

    I can relate to that sooooo well. I have said that many times over.

    Like Desire, I always learn something when I visit you. You, my friend, my sister, have a wonderful talent, that I never tire reading from.

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Lady Altheia
    April 8, 2008

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    I thought this was a well penned poem and your imagery was wonderful plus the picture was beautiful as well with an air of fantasy.


  • Desire gold member
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Precious!!

    Now this tugged at my Spirit for the images and the emotions swelled my eyes~


    Beautiful piece You have penned!!
    I swear I learn something new in each piece inhaled from Your treasures
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • e m i l y
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We will speak Avaric aloud
    and the Starhorse will understand
    as we break away from the crowd,
    with the magic at our command.

    I love how the picture was perfect
    with the poem and how you weaved the
    perfect words in to make it come alive.
    It flowed so well and the rhyming was
    amazing.


  • second-born
    April 8, 2008

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    wow...this is a very entertaining piece and at the same very informative...I'm learning a lot from you, not only of poetic forms and devices, but also of ancients and legends...simply amazing!!!

  • Eusebius
    April 8, 2008

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    bravo

    A rich and wonderful poem... highly evocative throughout! loved it, loved it, loved it! bravo... bravo...


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 8, 2008

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    The river of that girds all the lands
    And keeps all our spirits from harm
    Holds powers no-one understands
    And gives mystical beings their charm

    The language of love is its voice
    The magic of colour its skin
    Its my destination of choice
    And where I should choose to begin

    So walk by the river my love
    And taste of its waters so sweet
    While the dragons salute from above
    Our happiness will be complete


  • Angelflower
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What is there that is left for me to say that everyone else has not said before me.. Beautlfully done with great imagery and the wording was just perfect.. Great write.
    Peace to you,
    Jetleena

  • Maingie Luupi-n-ine
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Greeks Rush In Where Angles' Runnels Fed

    OK. So Quatern means abab of 8 syllable verse?

    1st stanza: Punctuation, I would humbly suggest, might be better as(not for the purposes of rewriting, but to say something for later pieces, if at all):

    Where Oceanus circles the world
    is the place I want you to see
    Where colors and music are swirled
    and mystical beings run free.

    I toy with a semi-colon at end line 2, but the lack suits the meaning so well, and adds a frisson of suggestability such that I prefer not, no not even a comma, to see.
    *****************
    No need for comma at end line 3, stanza 2. Again, suits the meaning, in as much as I appreciate without exactly knowing WTF the author is refering to.
    *******
    And I like the fantashish. Very Arthurian, if not indeed traditional in some sense.
    (Avaric minds me of avarice).
    *************
    The stulftifact at end line 2, stanza 3...good. For again (form fashions the phonetic phonemic sort of thing) it stops me to over a hurdle and showers colour out my brain's expectate.
    **************
    The form is good. Intralinear rhyme, and some furthering of the formation of flow sensed within the instinctive faculty would betray a greater drift of consciousness to the poetic rift that is, so I go on.
    ***********
    "Breasting the mountain clouding love"- to reduce the use of definite articles and rather useless connectives (clouding'is simply the first word, not the best - dulling, given the next line, were notably an improve).
    *****************
    And "yielding" could be considered good, for its dynamism, in the context. Similarly, "streams", to evoke an overflow of experience.
    ***************
    "oértrickling below, coloured stones." - to confirm the aboveness of the fountain, and reinforce the apparent nature of many commas.
    ****************
    Let us I'd prefer to "let's", exept for the previous stanza's hold of meaning, and I guess continuity were better respected than a minor quibble. Yet "Let's follow paths of such river" could be ...
    *************
    A semi-colon b/w "heart"and "Love, again for "medium is the message" reasons.
    **************
    Nicely done, although the cliched ending might be more strongly rendered.

    ML.
    **********


    • Amera gold member
      April 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment. To answer your question. This is a Quatrain not a Quaturn. A Quatrain is simply a four live verse with no spicific syllable count. A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains.
      It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain.
      The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A quatern has eight syllables per line.
      It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme
      scheme.
      S1 refrain is L1
      S2 refrain is L2
      S3 refrain is L3
      S4 refrain is L4

      Your punctuation suggestions are good, Thanks,

      • Maingie Luupi-n-ine
        April 22, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        May be eye hallucinated ...

        May be eye hallucinated,
        But I was sure I read "quatern",
        Perhaps it was in "Author's Notes"
        Ready set to burn. But I learn.

        May be I, fasting, judgemented,
        But I was sure I read "quatern",
        Surely not adopting lectern
        Positioning, now I'm writing.

        I surely now experiment
        With what you have evinced to mine,
        Perhaps it was in "Author's Notes",
        Like a Siberian gemstone.

        Avaric serves for different
        Groups communicate, as do I
        Betimes, of late, like A Round Hell,
        Ready set to burn. But I learn.



        {The allusion is, of course, to the
        Roundel/Rondel/etc multiplicity of
        forms. Still not sure if I placed the
        Refrains corrcetly here, but, never
        fear, for I have a not too unlimited
        reference book to consult. For now,
        from here, I exit. }

        ML.


  • Ithica silver member
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I looked at this and went BLANK!!! You picked up the pen and made it quivver to life, every imaginative syllable... Looks like a winner to me??

  • Papagallo
    April 7, 2008

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    This is so beautiful and a fantastic fantasy. You painted a beautiful picture with your words. I loved your poem. In line 20 would not "Let us follow....." Be in more keepimg with your work rather than "Let's follow....? I sort of cringed with the Let's. Maybe it is me. Papagallo


  • Faeryn
    April 7, 2008

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    Awesome, Amera! I love the last stanza; it's my faovrite. I really liked how you worded this piecee, it's full of imagery.

    Tay


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 7, 2008
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    with apologies I'll ask the king to step by and give you more!


  • RedAquarius
    April 7, 2008

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    Fan-freakin-tastic, girl. I love good fantasy and this is just great. I think this is one of my favorites by you - ever. Bookmarked.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I rather like this
    Only got a moment to read will do proper comment later.
    Lovely poem. Simple and beautiful.


  • PerVirtuous
    April 7, 2008

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    This is rich in image, language, and meaning. I simply adore it! Take me there with you! Three standing ovation bunnies!


  • And Hyetal
    April 7, 2008

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    Interesting picture and interesting history!

    This was a really great fantasy poem, and an enjoyable read. ^^

    ~Cassie


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is pretty good, Sis.

1 - 27 of 27