The Puppet and The Puppeteer

I live alone in my little world
Life is but a dream
I cannot trust anything
Nothing’s what it seems

Generosity – rejected
Companionship – denied
I cannot trust you silly ones
For all you say are lies

(Nobody tells the truth.
Everything is false.
Trust no one.
The only safety is self.)

Leave me be where I can tell
If you’re one who’ll wish me well
And if you’re not, I hope you see
You have no power over me

(But is that really true?
I cannot tell – fact, fiction, illusion, reality.
Insecurity.
All blurs till all’s the same.
Confusion overtakes.
Hold to self, hold to self
Who is self?
A light shining in the dark.
Hope.
Who is self?
He will know the answer.
Joy.
Trust.)

You hold the strings to my desire
You make my heart-strings hum
I savour every thorny phrase
You make me blind as well as dumb

(Inhibitions slipping
Control – lost
Who is self?
Puppets don’t have self.)

My mind is overrated
My heart is what is true
I cannot help but say these words:
“My heart belongs to you.”

Surely, I’m not worth your time
Your love is my addiction
How do I improve this lowly state
And raise it to perfection?

(Self-worth is how my puppeteer sees me
I’m not good enough
He deserves more
Not this lowly puppet)

My puppeteer, dear puppeteer
I hope I satiate
For if I don’t, I think you know
It’s you who holds my fate

(Hold me close, hold me close
I miss you, I miss you
Why do you slip away like that?
Never see you anymore
But then you like me again
Do you?
Self-worth slips with inattention)

Oh, how you like to tease
But it’s you I wish to please
You prolong this painful dance
For you know I have no chance

(Feeling so lost without you
Lost
Losing self
Who is self?
Lost again
Lost…)

Without you, I am lost
As if I’ve lost my soul
Ripping out my heart
And tearing out a hole

(But you wouldn’t let me bleed
Right?)

I am your puppet
Have you truly left me on the floor?
Am I to be so discarded?
You’ll play with me no more?

Ripping out my heart, then ripping out my soul
Your venomous words are taking their toll

I cannot stand alone anymore
You’ve taken away my freedom
Leaving me to suffocate in insecurity
Deported from the puppet kingdom

Where did my confidence go?
My cynicism, my self?
You molded me as you saw fit
Putting the real me on the shelf

Now I’m lost, illusions overtake
It’s worse this time – now it’s my life at stake

(Darkness overtakes.
Cynicism, heartbreak
Further down the spiral
Deeper down
Deeper
Deeper still
Till
All
Fades
Away
Forever.)