He stole my heart, the replica.
Running away -laughing- he ran into 'me.'
We exchanged technical information,
the garden variety kind.
He was curious, finding I still had my 'mind.'
I reassured him that all was well.
That he had indeed scored, but what he bought, was on sale.
The better half of me, he had left behind,
comparable to the watermelon - he had scored the rind.
I tried to comfort him with the fact,
that all would be well, his 'manhood' was still in tact.
He smiled a little bit at that; reminiscent of better days.
He vowed to alter some and amend his ways.
We chatted a little bit more off into the night.
Then off he went with all of his quintessential rights.
In a list
A contest entry
- Show me how good you really are. by EntombedCrystalRose.
300 points, ended April 22, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All for Fun (taking ALL poems from anyone) by Erozay.
450 points, ended May 7, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ pre-writes ~ by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended May 8, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Wow, you say so much here about men, women and the dynamics between them. I can see why it won gold. There are so many emotions fused into this small poem, that touches deeply within the reader, for that is life, it's seldom one dimensional but layered, as this poem is...relationships are complex and so are the people in them. A wow poem.
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A wonderful poem, very deserving of the gold, and well worth a read.
Be well,
Slayer -
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Thanks Slayer, hahaha, hope you're not a heart slayer hahahah anyhow, thanks for the review lol
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That is something else! I must say you are brilliant with the pen. You put me into the conversation with the person.
Meme
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Thanks, wow, I appreciate your review lol
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I like that poem its very good.
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Thanks so much, I try, from time to time lol
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The better half of me, he had left behind,
comparable to the watermelon - he had scored the rind'
loved those lines
they say so much, hold so much strength.
thank you for entering and good luck
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Thanks and I appreciate your reviewlol
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Dang! That is quite a poem. . .I like it
I love the watermelon/rind part
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Glad you got something out of itlol
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its pretty good
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Thank youlol
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Gold worthy indeed! There's a melange of emotions within this piece, melancholy, wistfulness, hurt, irony, touch of anger, even some pleasure...and that is how it is with relationships that break up not in fits but by slow degrees...there's no one true strain of emotion attached to the relationship, for there is a mixture of memories.
An exceptional poem.
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Thank you, your reviews are always so awesome, again, thanks lol
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Oh i like it
You did very good, is this like a story? Because if so wow it's very very good. And very well presented I like it a lot. It's nice, and well your a great writer good job! You have an awesome day!
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Wow, this is a sweet review - thanks so much, I don't rightly know what it is, perhaps it could be a story hahaaha whatever lol
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A wonderful poem... Very strange, yet good all the same. Thank you for sharing a piece of your personality with us through this write up.
And thank you for entering! -
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Believe it or not; you inspired this with your ap name. I hope that's okay to say that. lol thanks so much.
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Good
The poem uses unusual and imaginative subject matter to make a statement and is clever in its use. You paint a picture with words that bring your memories alive in the reader's mind, and we too can appreciate your world filled with imagination and love. The words took stage and treated the reader to a glimpse of your imagination. Nicely put, well written with poetic flare.
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Wow, thanks so much for this elegant review, so appreciated
lol
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a good piece of poetry you have penned - i am smiling at 'the replica' ah he got the heart but did not get the mind, butterfingers
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Ahhhthe fun poetry presentsthanks, Ianyou are a huge part of my dance with poetry-you are
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Nice job, very interesting write. A great way of telling the story of two meeting after a parting.
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Well, you do know that I delve into fictional writing, don't you? smilethanks
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very beautifully penned poem good luck in the contest
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thank you
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Worth reading, well worth reading
So yes, let's toast each other, oh my sister, or my brother.
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Aye, and why not?Here's looking at you
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