Hearts race
drums beating to a marathon.
I think your winning
cause' I'm out of breath
and my knees can't hold me up.
Eyes avoid
cause' of the heat.
The beams glare red
across my crystal cheek,
seperate your stares
and fill my body,
technicolor bright.
Fingers touch
like magnets hold on tight
my neutrons meet your protons
held in subatomic bliss.
A contest entry
- No Forced Rhyme Just Solid Writes by James Ether.
402 points, ended April 13, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown by -foreverandever.
950 points, ended May 2, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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yum imagery
this is wonderful
'Fingers touch
like magnets hold on tight
my neutrons meet your protons' - i love that. talking about magnets suggests you just can't keep away
thank you for entering -
Wow
I wish I could write like this, and I've read the dictionary....twice....
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very nice
what i liked most about this was the useage of words i havent personally seen, which of course conjour up new imagery, also the topic, whether you meant it or not, you seem to have two subjects intertwined in this,one is a race, or at least thats how i read it, and the other was passion, i do like the line about the crystal cheek, made me think of that glistening you see on people when they sweat, all in all this was a very very good piece of work, and i would think you satnd a very good chance of coming somewgere in the competition, well done.
Michael
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This was really good. The imagery was really good.. The flow of your words went were really good.. The only thing I have to say is that the title really didn't fit the poem..BUT most of the time they don't..lol. It's just my little qurk I guess.lol. Well done..
Jetleena
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Wow. Amazing imagery.
Fingers touch
like magnets hold on tight
my neutrons meet your protons
held in subatomic bliss.
That's my favorite stanza by far
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