The music drowns you out
The buzzing of the bass lines
the smashing of a tambourine.
I can hear the faint thrumming
something inside
unseen by the world
A broken piece of the puzzle.
No transition
from what we were
to tonight, here and now.
Dancing
swaying
nameless
faceless
Don't let me cry.
Author notes
Prompt two. Heartbreak party
A contest entry
- Let's get poetickkk! Options/Prompts provided =] by notorious.
450 points, ended April 13, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I can actually imagine this--a scene in a club where somebody is trying to dance away their "heartbreak" pain, and each song transition the DJ's spinning represents a different emotion. Actually, what it makes me think of in some areas is "Don't Stop the Music"--LoL.
Okay...there is SOME darkness felt in the poem's "tone", but it's very subtle and not very strong. Commas should be used more frequently and there is some inconsistent formatting (like, when you decide to capitalize or not).
The most striking lines:
"No transition
from what we were
to tonight, here and now."
'Transition' ties in with the music theme, and the "what we were" makes you wonder well, what "they" were.
Certainly, an interesting take on the prompt. Good luck in the contest. 
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