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April’s fool

Mother never

lived long enough

to read my book

of nights

 

scattered

among notebooks,

unwritten rough drafts

of my life

 

loose stars hang flavorless

like the blue he wears so

well with undone emotion

behind a broken silver clock

 

my angel, she never sleeps

not at all in neverland

lost somewhere

between timid forbidden love

and saving my soul

from damnation

 

I wash my hair

in wine on Sundays

to remove the sin

while coffee percolates

a taste of man

I wonder…

 

Does an April’s fool

look good in whore red ?

 

 

 

 

4/6/08 

Author notes

Prompt:
I used all titles as well as word bank in this poem.
Not my best by far and needs work for sure...
I was born in April so I chose April's Fool as title.

Critique strongly advised...lol
All suggestions taken into consideration.

-Titles

-Book of my nights
-Whore red
-April's fool
-Flavorless
-He wears blue
-Loose Stars
-Taste of man
-Neverland
-She never sleeps
-Undone


OR...use all of these words in your piece:

wine
silver
clock
coffee
rough
timid
wash
mother
notebook
unwritten



In a list

A contest entry

Transport to the moment, then run like hell...lol

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Swan song gold member
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow this was something well done and congrats on the silver This was well Wowza!!!!


  • Tam
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    O.K.

    you weaved this riveting poem from a bank of titles and words...not your own?
    damn woman...I don't know whether to laugh or cry...
    this is incredible...and it feels so freakin' raw...
    love this vibe you write with...
    you have an almost flowerchild quality but with an edge my Muse is so crazy about...
    congrats on the silver...looks like platinum to me...
    Blessings! Tammy

  • AliceInTheRealWorld
    April 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Grand,

    This poem is amazing, it's difficult to even choose a favorite stanza because I ended up copying almost every one, so just know I like each of them. You probably have every idea how amazing this poem is, but I'm telling you just in case. I always hated April Fool's day, it's so mocking, and you went well with the image of how the day relay's in my head.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the Silver and on the piece - incorporation of all of it, well done


  • Dalaney gold member
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on your silver Lane


  • Randomly Beautiful
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Own it, and wear it well my friend.


    • zochit2me gold member
      April 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm struttin...

      thank you for the silver

      a thousand 's for you

      Becky

  • Suzanne Dia
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I, too, am an April fool.

    In fact, the one person I seem to write over and over, who I am trying to let go...

    I met him on April Fool's Day, 2 weeks or so before both of our birthdays.

    Ironic, no?

    I love this.
    Whore red is a good colour, just a matter of owning it is all



    • zochit2me gold member
      April 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I know...April 13th is yours. Aries...lol. Mine is April 30th. Taurus...determined to destroy my life with love...lol. Yeah I keep writing over and over about someone I am trying to let go of, simply because it is what I need to do for my own emotional health...it's hard when the heart says different.
      Thanks for the comment...it means alot. Yours always do.

      Becky


  • StarEyes
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My Dear Friend,

    You are great, this is great! and sure leaves one What a fun read this one is!! I loved it!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love

    Nyetta

    P.S. I am gonna leave a Big Birthday Wish here for you,
    May it fun,
    May it happy,

    But most of all,

    May all your wishes
    and dreams come true!

    Happy Birthday my dear friend!!


  • Sgt B
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hahaha

    refoes an April’s fool

    look good in whore red ?

    As long as she's a blond
    I think you did quite well. Word banks are very difficult. I was following this one as a serious one until the end.
    Great job!

    ~Ron~


  • cheaphotelsign
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol...i ain't scared...i ain't running. i really dig this...it's like my thought process, except much better spoken.lol this was truly a cool trip....work on it if you think you must, but i like as is. awesome.

1 - 13 of 13