Internal Log of Thoughts

Every time I pick up my pen
To record some slight thought
My heart is so heavy
The song once so strong
Is now sharp
The places where I formerly might have found refuge
I can't even venture
My mind is too sickened
The walls I let down for you
Never existed
Because you never could see
And in the end you let me go
You let me walk right out of your life
The silence of the phone sitting next to me
My song of sheep?
I can look back now and wonder why
Why did I ever let myself relax
Any mirror I look into now
Is black
And if I had a death god's eyes
I'd see a ring around my neck
Though on the outside I pretend to have posture
I'm really just broken
You haven't noticed yet
That I can't be around you
It's like every time I look at you
There's a stab to my heart
Sometimes I wish that you'd just disappear
I could erase you from any record of my mind
Which I would
Doubling over at the sound of the voices
The ocean behind my eyes unleashes
And as waves of emotion take toll on mentality
You refuse to take notice;
There's so little solace
Wreaking some kind of havoc I can't understand
In my dreams I begin to reach for your hand
But the serpent, of course, would have none of that
So at last I've finally begun to surmise
I can no longer live this continuous lie
If you've let me out once
There's no point going back
That particular path ends with a shipwreck
I don't know what to tell you now
Which looking back now,
It's actually okay
Because you're not paying attention
At any rate.