In the altered states
of latter day sinners,
Kaleidoscopes of evil
swirl in and out of circus skies.
It hums above them
and fills their eyes
with rings of fire,
that hit the big top,
and illuminates the midways.
Children guide the elders
to the candle lit caravans
that surround the carnival.
Fortune tellers rise
from the red striped
wind blown tents,
as lions with full bellies
who feasted on believers,
fill the bleachers
with weeping butterflies
and laughing soldiers.
With horrid screams
from their lacerated throats,
the sword swallower's fire
the human cannon ball up
towards the bleeding Jesus.
Who walks the tight rope
using his cross,
to save his life,
and balance his way
to the other side,
where his Father awaits.
Author notes
If you would like to know the meaning of this...
go to the Ladder Day Sinners Circus and ask the ascending fortune tellers.
They may tell you,
the cross you carry
may bring you home.
A contest entry
- (SCREAMS): WARPED FAIRY TALES!!! by Josh the Communist.
475 points, ended September 20, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
-
The poem was amazing.... but the author's note made it breathtaking.... well done, gypsy king *genuflects and grins*
Kelly
-
wow a twisted tale to be sure love the imagery and metaphores wonderful poem from start to finish loved all of this thank you so very much for entering
-
wow this was great the imagery from this was fabulous you turned an innocent circus into something comletely morbid and insane...great read!
-
:)
Amazing.
The title caught my attention
but your words kept me reading. I truly love your way with words.
-
wonderfull
I've known very few people who see true bizzar in the carnival. Your words are magical. Your pen, my friend reflects shadows of my soul. -
very incredible
my dear brother, what a voice you have in your words. I always look forward to finding another one to read. this one packs the power of your heart into a fairy tale. But the deeper meaning screams to be recognized woth much more than bronze.
-
Lowell,
This was wonderful and fantastically magical. You recognize magic in my work but it is nothing like what I see here, kind sir. Such vivid imagery and meaning is present in each and every word. Thank you for writing.
-
Extremely Vivid
This is not only very well written and extremely vivid, you have used a great metaphor to represent the great whore (Papal Rome) and her harlot daughters (Protestantism). The cross, we already know, has no value in and of itself; rather, it is Jesus Himself who will take us home.
The contest host has asked for warped fairy tales; so, in that respect you fail: for this is far too full of truth.
It should have taken the GOLD.
Luv & hugs, BonnieQ
-
Irreverant!
I grant you that there are many who call themselves followers of the Christ that are into and doing many things that are in opposition to what He taught and how He lived His life. This is a WARPED FAIRY TALE and you wrote if well & with potency & now I feel I have to write a counter! My spiritual life & Ministry is of prime importance to me & this seemed to have a lot of angst behind it or you couldn't have written this the way you did ending as you did! The write is vivid for all it's detail & the metaphor was excellent. For this your bronze is deserved. Knowing what goes on in the so called Quasi Christian Community I'd say this is quite a condemnation. I do agree with you that many glory seekers use His Name [or what they think His Name is] for death's purposes! Some knowingly, some in ignorance. I for His coming daily! He will restore The Kingdom of Yah!
-
Very deep and full of metaphorical meanings, Earthlings are so full of themselfs, this was fantastic, ...but, in reality, He's happy and where he wants to be, just wants us to stop fooling around and get there too.
Religion is like a circus in a lot of ways, choosing sides in wars instead of promoting peace, idk...this is very thought-provocking, so much hidden in these lines...me thinks.
*BRAVO*
-
Wonderful.
In each of our ways I believe that we, walk this tight rope, of Grander and humility, choices, questions, what to believe, when will peace bring its certain, eternity.
'im' me, because tender hearts are free.
Great write, humbly given in message, with each and every letter.
~ James ~
-
As always, your work sends shivers down my spine (in a nice way)! This is so intelligent, and descriptive! I can't believe I haven't stumbled across this before!
It definitely put me in the mood to write, so you might see something new out of me here pretty soon
Infinitely pleased with my decision to read this!
Always,
V
-
fortune tellers rise
from the red striped
wind blown tents..wow this stanza is my favorite, and what imagery!!
and your auther notes are great.
-
well done
it had an unexpexted twist at the end
-
Hmmmm....Very interesting. Thoughtful and provoking. Well done.
Tod.
-
strikingly complex, haunting, mysterious...
"Fortune tellers rise
from the red striped
wind blown tents,
as lions with full bellies
who feasted on believers,
fill the bleachers
with weeping butterflies
and laughing soldiers. "
being my most favorite part...fascinating prophetic imagery, BRAVO, Liam!
PEACE (=-))
-
I truly enjoy your vocabulary selection. THe second line i believe had the word kalidescope in it..that word i love! (mostly just cuz it sounds cool and is fun to say) Your talent runs deep within this poem.
ing alone,
Mylee -
i like this a lot the ending is nice
"With horrid screams
from their lacerated throats,
the sword swallower's fire
the human cannon ball up
towards the bleeding Jesus.
Who walks the tight rope
using his cross,
to save his life,
and balance his way
to the other side,
where his Father awaits." -
Excellent
A very unique write, indeed. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
This is a superb write with very vivid imagry, and for believers a very poignant message,The world must have seemed like a carnival of evil to our lord, as he used his cross, his very death, as a bridge to his father, and maybe it is only my bizzare interpritation, but it made me ponder, what state of carnival like deprevaty will the world be in at the time of the second coming, when our lord appears once again to save us. This is a superb write Bravo littlefishone Theresa
-
It seems like you've revised this poem; the imagery is not so oblique. There's more of a flow to the theme; very well done!
-
Freakin' Amazing...The images that come up with this would make a great episode of Twilight Zone, When you ride the carousle of life hang on tight and watch out for the teeth of the horse. Beware the true intent of those who lead you on.
Excellent write.
-
ooooh...this is fantastic! What absolutely amazing imagery you've created here. A thoroughly dark, deviant, captivating write!!! Thank you very much for sharing this,
Luck. -
fascinating authors notes as well
what is a circus sky?
fascinating image of jesus using the cross to keep balance. Beautifully done!
-
The "Immaculate" Carnival....
What a circus it is indeed... and what a very unique and perceptive way of portraying it...it captures the imagination without ever losing the plot...Jesus up there balancing his way using his cross to reach his father...man that's exactly how it must have been, what a race of f****** clowns we are, blood thirsty thrill seekers, and smart-asses, when the simplest truths in life are the hardest to see...when will we ever learn, I dunno...
thanks for sharing brother, food for thought indeed
John
-
this a very nice penned poem
its evil and descriptive and had an original theme
thanks for entering
all my love
kitty xxx
-
Excellent!
-
this has one a few already. Sorry.
-
Are these sinners representative of sinners in general, in all denominations?
Ah, a thoughtful and piercing commentary on times of fractured life on Earth.
-
very very...
different indeed. I must say that you
have a most extraordinary imagination.
The images you described were outrageously
fascinating. It read like someone experiencing
a LSD trip or something. Yet it was well
written and detailed. You did a great job. -
Not bad at all! The abstractness... everything... very beautifully written... this loses points for the amount of entries it has been and the fact it won some trophies... lovely piece
-
excellent use of sound here. i don't understand many of the commas. i like the poem quite a bit though. there certainly lies depth and significance in this work
-
I've read three of your entries already, and I like them all very much. Unfortunately, I have yet to read an actual tall tale. No, I didn't specify what kind, but I did infer Mark Twain.
Thank you for your entry once again. Patricia -
Well, this was a surprise! I really loved all the visuals, if I closed my eyes, I saw it all in living color, nice!
-
This was a lovely poem I completely enjoyed it. Well written and well thought you. But I need to ask you to put "I am wonderful" in your AN as per the rules. Thank you for sharing this and good luck in my contest
-
I saw your name, and immediately clicked, such high regard do I have for your work. It was only afterward that the title flashed across my mind, and I realized I had already read this. Sorry, but it was well worth a second read. Again, I love your skill with painting picture with words, as masterful as an impressionist with colors.
-
deeep...powerful write!
the imagery painted upon the lines was almost shocking
to read...the brutal truths...and leading of the innocents to slaughter.
This was very bold to do!
ears/SEattle WAY TO UNLEASH AND WRITE!
-
thanx of entering
-
Oooo
I like it. It's very...different from everything I've ever read.
Thanks for the 'Sweet Dreams'. -
Sorry
Sorry to bug you again...but I keep coming back to this poem. It just astounds me...I love reading it. I have read a lot of poetry on this site and this one just gets me. Thank you so much for entering! -
Fantastic
This is exactly the type of poetry I am looking for. It is horrific and twisted, but conglomorated into a captivating thing of beauty. I soaked up every line, but my favorite
With horrid screams
from their lacerated throats,
the sword swallower's fire the human cannon ball up
towards the bleeding Jesus.
Wow, what fantastic imagery! Well done! Well done indeed. Best of Luck in my contest!
-
I am deeply impressed by the skillful presentation here. Intelligent and thoughtful. So many levels of meaning to be stripped away. The subtle biblical referencing is delicious. Your metaphoric circus is a true feast, which I have enjoyed immensely, leaving with a feeling of sated hunger. Bravo.
-
awsome, absolutly awsome, wonderful imagery and flow.
-
Wow! I aspire to write this well. Fantastic imagery! Bravo.
-
*Sits in Complete Awe*
I respect you in so many ways, your writings are such classics, beautiful as gold and so priceless!!
-
Say ...
would you have any objections to my posting this on my blog?
Let me know.
-
My God ...
you sometimes amaze me. This is a helluva write.
You need to remove the "s" from "illuminates" as it refers back to "rings of fire".
All in all, this is a tour de force.
-
You certainly caught my attention on this work of poetry. Interesting piece in my opinion!! THANKS AGAIN!!
-
Excellent
Hmm...a rather unique write indeed. Actually, I have my own interpretation of this poem. However, I found it most intriguing and very well written.
-
That was interesting... I had trouble figuring out some of your symbloism, and that made part hard to understand. But I got a very umm, realistic and skewed veiw from what was presented. Way to go, poet.
XxTwigxX
-
wow, an eye-opening read this morning...We're left to draw our own conclusions on it's meaning, and I like that. Excellent use of language, metaphor and imagery. Very well done.
Rory
-
it's eerie && beautifully haunting.
You take my breath away sir, like always
-
i have to agree with butterflyforchrist, its rather eerie. but, i must say: I LOVED IT. I always hated going to the circus with my family, i felt bad for the animals and the circus people always creeped me out. i still wonder why people say "why dont you run away and join the circus" why would anyone want to? lol
great read. great write, hun.
xoxoxox
xRAYEx -
Hmm
This is very interesting... Had left me in thought. Ido like the imagery. I have never liked circuses.. They creep me out. This poem has an eery quality to it...(And the thunderstorm here doesn't help, Lol) But all in all.. Great poem. The description are definitely vivid.
-
WOW
The whole imagery of the circus is very intriguing. A very creepy poem (as circuses can be) especially with sword swallowers and their lacerated throats. haunting. Very well written! -
This is interesting.
I thought that this would be an essay on the church of Latter Day Saints, and if it is I do apologize. I thought it would not be a good one, however the point you made sure does make sense.
-
You don't know how disappointed I am. I cannot give you the gold trophy because you did not follow rule #1 properly. This is such a wonderful entry...Well, in spite of that...
-
I'm trying to decide how this was going to resolve itself and the message was. How about the fact that
we are in a collage of beliefs these days and only
one has an actual presider ... who not only exists
but loves beyond our human condition. It hurt my heart with the ending statment. Like the writer 'knows'. Many know 'about'. But not many 'know'.
Great quirkiness going on in the mix. Form and descriptives are full. Very good one!
-
isabelwk
Very thought provoking. I like your religious imagery. I especially liked the lines regarding "the bleeding Jesus."
-
freakin poignant
-
Another write that stirs this soul..the chaos of today fills your words with a unique energy that touches deep within. "Kaleidoscopes of evil"
-
The circus of life flows across this wounded page...for as life continues this kaleidoscopes of evil will always swirl...who will reach out and bring this sinner home...sighs...out standing! niaish so much for sharing with me and for entering
-
I love the way you twisted around the original phrase of the title. Very clever and controversial. Wonderful word play and metaphor here, I especially liked the lines "lions with full bellies
who feasted on believers,
fill the bleachers with weeping butterflies and laughing soldiers." This piece is delightfully dark and it takes such risk as to become an irresistible piece of work. Wonderfully done.
-
Great
Amazing as always. After all the bad scraps called 'poetry' (mine included) I've seen on this site, this is like a sight of a heavenly flower that appeared to make life more torellable. well done!
-
Very interesting
Thats all I can really say about this poem. It's interesting. I really like how in line 2, you use kaleidoscopes and the sky for your imagery. The poem seems deep and dark, but at the same time, it feels as if by writing this, you feel a wieght lifted from you. Keep on writing. This is a very well written write. -
wow. this is amazing. It's meaning is all over the place. I like it a lot!!! It's imagery is awesome. great write
-
WOW. this poem is truly incredible. I loved it so much. the imagery that you used is quite vivid. I love the last 2 stanzas so much.. I love this line:
"fill the bleachers with weeping butterflies and laughing soldiers."
you have an amazing gift for writing. I enjoy reading your poems a lot. thank you for letting me know about this poem.
good luck in the contest
kat
-
another healthy ten toed ten fingered male. you must have been a gypsy carney in another life, I am tellin ya....if not in this one. I loved the lines,
"Kaleidoscopes of evil swirl in and out of circus skies.
It hums above them and fills their eyes with rings of fire,
that hit the big top,
and illuminates the midways."
Keep it up my dear friend.
Creatress
-
This is a solid entry, and I think a well thought out one. The only thing that you are lacking is the (rule) interpretation of two of the lines from the EXAMPLE stanzas. They go in your author notes.
I especially like the line "fill the bleachers with weeping butterflies and laughing soldiers." This poem also has depth beyond its words. Thank you so much for entering.
~ Joyce -
My goodness! Ak! This is incredible.
Not only is the image pure and vivid but the meaning(which I think I had the same thought as a reader below) is absolutely thought provoking and illustrated geniusly in this poem.
I could hear carnvial music playing in the background while I read it and I could imagine all the spectators wathcing all the shows and playing all the games, this is just so great especailly when I pair it up to the meaning!
Sorry I didn't read it sooner...I got busy...but it was the first thing on my mind to come read this once I got a minute.
-
wow
Holy hell Lowell, this was intense. I took the circus as one huge metaphor, that you weren't literally speaking of a circus, but of someone on their spiritual journey, observing and being aware of everything around them, but then again, I could be wrong. What brought me to that conclusion was in the very first line, when you spoke of "altered states" It grabbed me, and MADE me pay attention. Good job
"Children guide the elders
to the candle lit caravans that surround the carnival."
Very strong lines
"Who walks the tight rope using his cross,
to save his life,
and balance his way to the other side
where his Father awaits."
Were my favorite lines though, brings it together in a clear light. (At least for me)
Great poem here. I'm a firm believer that no matter how far you progress, you will always continue to grow, as long as you stay open to that possibility. You are no exception This was amazing brother.
Keep it up!
Brandon
-
this is a great write. Sounds like there is a story behind it. Keep up the great work.
-
I took this as the world turning sin into an event to watch... which it has. look at tv and everything else that is sight. Sin is everywhere... it always has been, but not always as celebrated as it is now. But I only saw that in the first few stanzas.
With horrid screams
from their lacerated throats,
the sword swallower's fire the human cannon ball up
towards the bleeding Jesus.
Who walks the tight rope using his cross,
to save his life,
and balance his way to the other side
where his Father awaits.
The last stanza was my favorite by far. I thought that it ended the poem beautifully.
I personally thought that the whole poem was well written, and came across in a unique manner.
as lions with full bellies
who feasted on believers
The lines above are something that I see ringing so true. This world does not accept many people who believe in something. They all say they believe, but the second someone is a true believer they'd eat them alive. Our world is such a twisted perversion.
Nicely penned my friend. I've enjoyed reading this poem. I'm sorry it took me so long to read this. I've been really busy with school and my internship... I wish their were more hours in the day.
Keep writing. I enjoy reading each thing you write.
*A Poetic Dreamer*
-
You chose the right title, by the way
-
Creative. And, nice imagery.
However, a few points:
skies, not sky's: yours is possessive not plural.
bellies, not belly's: same reason.
butterflies, again a plural.
swallowers, plural.
I would lose the "their" in the first line of the last stanza; it would just make the first two lines smoother.
The commas after life and way are not necessary and break the flow. And, depending on your view of this, "father" should be capitalized.
Overall, very nicely penned. A different take on the subject from what I have seen elsewhere.
Thank you for sharing.
rous -
Wow!! How incredible! A real treat for the mind, glorious images of fear and grotesque beauty, all in one. Every stanza is brimming with carnivalesque sensuality and sordid forms of ecstasy. Colourful and wild, yet dripping with dark meanings.
Some great language you've used here, it really sets that menacing undertone. There are also some very sensitive key moments in this piece; "Children guide the elders
to the candle lit caravans that surround the carnival."
very symbolic of hope and role reversal.
"With their horrid screams
from their lacerated throats,
the sword swallower's fire the human cannon ball up
towards the bleeding Jesus."
... it has to be said... perversely beautiful.
Another astonishingly good write, friend; I beg you to keep it up!
Much love,
Jess x
-
What does it really mean?!!?
Great work, although to me, this sounds strangely bizarre... I don't think I'd want to go there, thank you. Anyway, your outstanding use of colorful metaphor gives you extra credit, in my view.
-
WILD
This implicit comparison tale is a bit difficult to decipher for some of us denser headed humanoids. It was written well, however the meaning didn’t just pop out at me, and I continue to be unsure of some of it. This one is challenging to me. You did good Lowell, it is good to be challenged once in a while.
-
Very nice and your titel turned out wonderfully for this write!
-
You always were good at story telling. I was really impressed with this one and the hidden meanings in your images. I thought it was pretty cool. I really liked the child holding hands with a smaller child line. I don't really know why that image really appealed to me so much but maybe it's because I have syblings. The only thing I didn't like so well was the title. It doesn't really fit. I mean, I can see where it came from but it just doesn't really represent the peom very well. Lestways, I don't think so. lol
-
whoa! this totally threw me off. I am thinking you are using this circus theme as a metaphor. I like the themed adjectives. The brevity of this piece suits it. I felt that it was just the right length. When Jesus takes the scene I had to catch my breath. I love the fact his cross is the only reason he gets across! Very clever, I like this new play on old ideas. what a fresh breath of air.
Pen on fellow margin walker!
~Leah
Adding your comment:
1 - 82 of 82
