your lock and key

She tiptoes across silence
and reaches for something
that will fall down on her
until she can't  breathe
and her bathroom floor
will bear witness to all
-moments of weakness-

through it all she'll remain beautiful
because pain makes us change
and you can't go back to analyzations
there's no way to make it better
she's my muse

I love her

simply enchanting, her hidden smile
and I find all the ways that I must
through the cracks in her skin
her foundation is seeping through
and she's clawing at the door inside of herself
a hole opens up inside her chest
and a metal box is making an outline
of a frame in her stomach

seal it all away
every memory

every moment of lovemaking
every anguish--everytime he didn't call
every time her feet made indents on the floor
[from pacing]

why couldn't he be more responsive?
and why couldn't she be more proud?

still her gold and his black
made a perfect mixture of comfort
and upside down trees seem to converge
with the floor when she reached her final state
the state that would divide her from herself
and blend her personalities into the sincerity of his eyes

my darling--I hate to see your glow become so metallic
so forced and the sun has nothing on you
I wish I could hold your hand,
walk down the streets you've walked
when you were searching for the answers
the answers God couldn't give you
and I wish I could sit beside you as you cried
into  a pillow he laid his head upon

his shirt doesn't feel the same on you does it?
and your bed feels strange--without him
he's a million miles away
or so it seems, if only in thought;;
but you'll recombine, become whole
it just takes time and every strand of golden hair
will prove every ounce of discouraged solitude
and self hatred that was once provoked by his abence

I love you

it's okay if you don't collide with me
and it's okay if we're opposite sides
--of the same coin--
they can toss us but no matter what,
we'll land on each other,
and I'm willing to shelter you
as whatever you wish to call me
you can name me what you want
but I understand your pain
as surely as the moon understands
the sun's struggle

our faces will meet across different horizons
and the sun will set later on your side of the land
watch the shores overlapping, it's like you and I
waiting to collide and I can understand,
all too well, all to surely,
why your tears soak through the cracks in the floor
and why the solid ground, never seems like enough
I wish you'd fall into me
because I have so much to say

and I'd wish to say many things
if only to frame your mind
and erase all his fingerprints
did he even leave a strand of hair behind?
when he whispered goodbye through
plexiglass--cold and emotionless
or did he care when you made a choice needed
in order to grow

you separated and diverged

but together with him you used to converge
and everything fell neatly into place
but tell me, has the suffering reached it's maximum point?
and has the screaming in your head silenced itself yet
for me I've come to grow
and I want to offer you my hand because I care
and because my heart seems to find a gentle place,
beside you

theres a door waiting to be opened
but we can't see it just yet
why?

did you fall through yet?
and have my words reached your mind?

I wish I could come to understand
more of who you are
how can I say this without sounding crazy?
how can I express all hidden meanings
without you becoming repressed around me?
perhaps it's not important for now

Can you feel me?

I'm pushing that box inside your stomach,
pushing it down,
making it conform to nothing,
where it should be
so that it doesn't rise to hurt you
like an abandoned child in the womb
when your memories become a clump in your throat

my fingers will trace words across
every feature of your face
and altogether, I wish I could make
all those door slam shut
so they couldn't hurt you anymore

I wish I could be your lock and key.