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On Death

There is no brilliance here
in spaces between thoughts
only the crackle of
too many lost words;
marred lines of lives unlived.

Here, a minute forgets
the seconds it is owed.
Slips into the unknown,
too much is fleeing
out of grasp

Nothing can be changed,
mistakes erased or dreams
remembered.

All that's left
is a breath and then
goodbye.

Ava Noire
April 6th 2008

Author notes

As a nurse, I often have to watch my patients die. There is nothing I can do but comfort them and hope they go peacefully.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Nam
    April 26

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    The only line I had a problem with was this one:

    "All left is a breath and then"

    I felt "that's" should have been placed between "All" and "left"; and perhaps "and then" continued in the next line.

    Other than that -- good poem here.

    -Nam

  • rufina caraid silver member
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    More than just chance I came here today. One of my old ladies died very suddenly yesterday which left my colleagues and I reeling. Your second stanza has put my thoughts into words, time is of no real importance when the end is so close - your words capture that perfectly. Beautfully penned Ava.
    ~Von~


  • Sprite silver member
    April 21
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    "Here, a minute forgets the seconds it is owed." Now that is a great line. Death does erase the importance of what we had thought was important. The ending is just perfect.

    I think that though, "nothing can be changed," WE can be changed through experience...even death.

    Nice to be back on the site.

    Joyce


  • wattle silver member
    April 13

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    Ava, your poetry remains as gifted as ever. Offering hope to readers and dignity where none seems to lie. You’re a very special person. --- Thank you.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    April 10

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    First two stanzas are spot on brilliant, the rest is good too, but those first two kill me.

    I wish I'd thought of the words you found
    (that's a compliment.)




  • jantastic gold member
    April 9
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  • NoIQ gold member
    April 7

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    It's been an eon since I saw an Ava Noire poem - and it's a delight to read again. The poem is somber, as its title suggests it should be. The images are sad and brutal, for death cheats the future of an expectation of hope or even chance, much like suggest in the lines "Here, a minute forgets / the seconds it is owed. / Slips into the unknown, ..." It is the solemn countdown to finality, and effectively nothing more. YOur craft and ability to achieve forceful emotional content is a great as ever Tina.


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 6

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    So well said... so well-written these thoughts on death and last breaths. Just made me realize how precious life is - we can do many things but not this... Beautiful, meaningful poetry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • quietly burning silver member
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    your words almost trigger thoughts of drowning ... this piece has real impact.

    Here, a minute forgets
    the seconds it is owed.
    Slips into the unknown,

    your thoughts beautifully transcribed

1 - 10 of 10