There is no brilliance here
in spaces between thoughts
only the crackle of
too many lost words;
marred lines of lives unlived.
Here, a minute forgets
the seconds it is owed.
Slips into the unknown,
too much is fleeing
out of grasp
Nothing can be changed,
mistakes erased or dreams
remembered.
All that's left
is a breath and then
goodbye.
Ava Noire
April 6th 2008
Author notes
As a nurse, I often have to watch my patients die. There is nothing I can do but comfort them and hope they go peacefully.
In a list
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Wow. You have always had a way of making everything seem beautiful, even sadness and now death... I just like the feel to this piece.
By the way, Hey girl! lol. How's it going? I need to start finding a way to get on more often again. -
a minute forgets the seconds it's owed
I like that.
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I want to say this is a beautiful poem, but beautiful isn't quite the word I want. The poem is an honest reflection of what death is about - and how facing it gives us a chance to realize what is important in this world.
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Wow this was fantastic. I really enjoyed it, it was so easy to read and the words and imagery rock! Well done I liked it lots.
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love your work
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The only line I had a problem with was this one:
"All left is a breath and then"
I felt "that's" should have been placed between "All" and "left"; and perhaps "and then" continued in the next line.
Other than that -- good poem here.
-Nam -
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thank you, it is changed.
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More than just chance I came here today. One of my old ladies died very suddenly yesterday which left my colleagues and I reeling. Your second stanza has put my thoughts into words, time is of no real importance when the end is so close - your words capture that perfectly. Beautfully penned Ava.
~Von~
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"Here, a minute forgets the seconds it is owed." Now that is a great line. Death does erase the importance of what we had thought was important. The ending is just perfect.
I think that though, "nothing can be changed," WE can be changed through experience...even death.
Nice to be back on the site.
Joyce
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Ava, your poetry remains as gifted as ever. Offering hope to readers and dignity where none seems to lie. You’re a very special person. --- Thank you.
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First two stanzas are spot on brilliant, the rest is good too, but those first two kill me.
I wish I'd thought of the words you found
(that's a compliment.)
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It's been an eon since I saw an Ava Noire poem - and it's a delight to read again. The poem is somber, as its title suggests it should be. The images are sad and brutal, for death cheats the future of an expectation of hope or even chance, much like suggest in the lines "Here, a minute forgets / the seconds it is owed. / Slips into the unknown, ..." It is the solemn countdown to finality, and effectively nothing more. YOur craft and ability to achieve forceful emotional content is a great as ever Tina.
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So well said... so well-written these thoughts on death and last breaths. Just made me realize how precious life is - we can do many things but not this... Beautiful, meaningful poetry.
~ Nicolette
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your words almost trigger thoughts of drowning ... this piece has real impact.
Here, a minute forgets
the seconds it is owed.
Slips into the unknown,
your thoughts beautifully transcribed
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