When it's all said and done,
it's the same,
as when we're at the starting line.
There's nothing left to do,
but die.
There's nothing left for us to say,
no pearly gates,
or heavenly ever after.
It was nothing but a waste of life,
and death.
There's no innocence in her eyes.
There's no laughter in her smile,
that pretty face is painted on,
because Lord knows she won't cry.
She's nothing but an empty face,
who dreams to fall in love,
even though she knows,
that in the end....
There's nothing left to do but die.
Author notes
Option 4,K: Title, Death's Lullaby
A contest entry
- Hurt and Pain (It's All The Same) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended April 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Beauty In Pain! by bangbaby.
300 points, ended June 18, 2008, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites (with clause) by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended July 12, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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For me there was a lot of repetition in the smaller words here, words that in all actuality can be removed to help the flow.
I can appreciate the sentiment in the piece but I am missing the imagery. I think the foundation is there, but would love to see a bit more spunk in the lines -
this is a great write.I really like it. Good job.
Thanks for entering.
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Incredible...so much emition...almsot makes myself depressed...You have a great write...It captures wonderfully...keeps my interests...and makes me want to read it again and again...thank you so much for entering this poem in my contest!!!
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it....explains how i feel...more or less and is rather blunt compared to somethings in can be compared to about life and death....you seam to be a very intriguing person.i think i will read some more of your poems and maybe you will read a few of mine?nevertheless we will see.
Bon voyage y Kudos,
Hidden.
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so strong dear!
i loved it you had a great flow and it was simply amazing! -
Very sad and haunting piece, I truly can relate to this. Beautifully tragic with a hint of my feelings and emotions inside.
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