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Where No Chords Play, Voices Do













She traces hymns of black and white,
as sensually as a kiss,
sipping upon tinted passion
in sounds of placid verse.

In tranquil arpeggios
lips hush a child’s music,
as softly as a chiding night
of wild afrikaan chill;

          no harmonic hum of strings
  just a ma, taming her muse
                                in a lullaby.























Author notes

Tyler - BURN!


Gosh, that was so hard. It was astonishing how eveyr other word had an e in it. I couldn't even use many past tenses. I mean 'ed' 'es' makes the past tense.

Fricking e's.

lolol.

Anyway, short notice. I've taken a one hour break while my mom sleeps, cuz um suppose to be studying.

No e's except 7. 7 used.
ASFAND
53 words.
Piano
Black and white.


Ma - African word for Mother
Afrikaan - African word for african - just to put genuine feeling.






A contest entry

Criticism Is Very Much Welcomed -- I Am Here To Learn

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Tangled Angle
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol Well I am pretty hot.





    line 8: "chill" should be "child" - just a small mistake...[unless you meant to do that and i am totally missing something.] Either way it won't be held against you.


    I like how you didn't just literally give me an image when it comes to vision, but rather when it comes to sound.

    Good job.


    • Asfand
      April 9, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      i was sort of incorporating the harsh and bitter-cold nights in african deserts, because the days are really sun-baked and with the sea breezes, nights become too cold to bear and all.

      well, that was my idea, lol. it probably is hard to get across a little.

      oh, thank you!


      • Tangled Angle
        April 10, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Oh okay, i got it.
        i like the idea, but it just didnt flow right with me? i guess that is just me though.


  • And Hyetal
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    o.o

    You pulled it off.

    I'm scared...no, HORRIFIED for my dorky little poem.

    Yeah, yeah, do what Catauthor says and leave AllPoetry...

    NO! I'm just kidding.



    This was just beautiful. I can't say anything more.

    ~Cassie


  • Catauthor
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *sigh*

    Asfand, I think you're too good for allpoetry.

    Seriously, go write a book now. Leave Teen Idol for us little people.

    This is really, really good. I was going to say that "afrikaan" was sort of distracting from the poem, but now that I read it again, I want to beg you to never take it out--it fits.

    Wonderful job (as always)!

    (Also, I should thank you, because I was going to enter a poem using "piano" and "black/white", but then you beat me to it, and I read this and mine didn't seem that great, so I wrote a different poem using "grass" and I like that one more anyway, so thank you!)

1 - 5 of 5