When the apple's just a seedling
sleeping seamlessly 'til noon
the moon's a silver earring
in a box of blue-maroon
with a ticket for the ocean
with a ticket for the dawn
with a ticket for the reaches
of the things his mind has drawn
When the apple's just an applet
in the early days of June
the moon's a slice of lemon
in an opal black lagoon
with a saddle for the sea horse
with a saddle for the bee
with a saddle for the unicorns
beneath the dogwood tree
When the apple's fin'ly ripened
and its luck is opportune
the moon's been breathing easy
like a birthday-big balloon
with a story for the crickets
with a story for the night
with a story for the dreamers
and for every fire light
Now, it's true that he can tell you
all the things he's come to learn
but there's nothing quite he's told me
that has taken such a turn
as the apple in its failure
wilting brownish, greenish-red
rolling off its lowly little limb
and landing on its head
because the moon is on forever
lost to knowingly repeat
as the apple finds its answer
when it kindly takes defeat
so don't say I never sang you
such a soulful, somber tune
of the difference of the apple
and the phases of the moon.
Author notes
a shout to the "immortality" of NOT living forever
In a list
A contest entry
- Go For The Gold/Rhymers by piccola.
500 points, ended August 31, 2008, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
mmm, applesauce
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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It's about gravity
ain't it Mr. James
You have the vitality
Of Mr. Newton's fames
There's gravity on the moon
Something you and Newton missed
I found this out very soon
Always had it on my list
Tiki Cat
Buy Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
"Too Good For Humans" -
very original and well penned .. liked "sleeping seamlessly 'til noon" and "because the moon is on forever" . . congrats on the gold
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Beautiful is this :)
t
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That's a great poem and cleverly written the gold is well deserved. Congratulations and happy trails
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this is well worth the reading. Filled with imagination and vivid imagery. Thank you for entering.
"because the moon is on forever
lost to knowingly repeat
as the apple finds its answer
when it kindly takes defeat
so don't say I never sang you
such a soulful, somber tune
of the difference of the apple
and the phases of the moon." ... love this ending -
Wonderfully rich
this is the first of your poems I've read and I just love your writing style and the imagery that's evoked as well as the wisdom in your words. I'm definitely going to read some more now. This is lovely, and I like the way you've used the 'story and ticket' in a similar fashion:-
with a saddle for the sea horse
with a saddle for the bee
with a saddle for the unicorns
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beautiful, and wonderfully laid out. the rhyme scheme is effective, and it is both whimsical and wise. i am going to favorite you on the basis of this poem alone
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Such great metaphors! Such a vivid write. I really love this! Great job. My favorite part is about the moon. I've read it twice. I can find nothing in it that I don't love. Sorry. LOL. Shelby.
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great rhyhme...this appears to be a tetrameter, or am I mistaken? I found the 7th line of the 4th stanza to be a little awkward for me, but the rest seems pretty tight. Nice, clean theme...good eats for all ages. Thanks.
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I Love it
This has such a rhythm, I can see it being sung around a campfire, or being one of those fables that teach young kids the difference between the earth and the sky, and how though you think you are like every one else, (the apple of course,) you really are different from most every one on account of the fact that some of us are apples, whom bloom and are finished, whereas some of us are forever repeating in a habitual way that no one else gets but your own self. very nice, I love it, extremely cute.
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excellent!
This is very well done. I'm speechless. Probably one of the best I've read here. The ryhme is splendid and the imagery astounding. . .and its awesome. Im totally in love with it. . .
"the moon's a slice of lemon
in an opal black lagoon"
wow.
Keep writing, PsydewaysTears!
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See my previous comment ...
you could also change the second "quite" to "such", which would actually work better.
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This is astounding! A terrific piece of poetry, flawless in every regard! Certainly you are an old an practiced hand with verse. Absolutely excellent! Wonderful! Splendid! BRAVO... BRAVO... BRAVO...
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This is delightful ...
and quite perfect except that you should remove the first quite here:
but there's nothing quite he's told me
that has taken quite a turn
and replace it with "that".
Otherwise, this is perfect.
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Absolutely exquisite. I don't believe I've ever read anything quite like this before, it's very unique and original. But aside from that, seriously, I started reading it and I was taken from my seat and onto a breathtaking journey, full of images so beautiful that I found myself reading over the lines again, a storyline that's quite endearing, and a poignant contrast.
Nothing short of perfect - don't change a thing. I fell in love with it from the first stanza. I'm not saying that much about it because anything I say about the piece won't do it justice at all; so just know that it is a wonderful piece of art that hooked my soul.
"the moon's a slice of lemon
in an opal black lagoon"
Incredible.
Truly a masterpiece,
ELW
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This is so imaginative and deserves all the praise it can get. I agree with lavender butterfly that if your not already publisg=hed than you dam well should be!!! I love the passion in this and the imagary is amazing!
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Lots of Passion in this
its and very good use of wording
and i like it alot
x -
Very impressive indeed! This screams professionalism ~ are you a published author? If not ~ you should be... x Love and light, Lavender Butterfly.
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This is impressive.
A special thanks must go out to you for not making it sickeningly sweet in the rhyming department.
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Wow, this is awesome, maybe my favorite poem of yours.
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a beautiful poem
Beautiful!
"because the moon is on forever
lost to knowingly repeat
as the apple finds its answer
when it kindly takes defeat"
Yes, this is very soulful and somber, I agree. Keep writing!
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