Carbon Dioxide Angel Face
With angel cake
The confetti [WHORE]
Mangled and mingled
With her Buliemic bruised -Grave- that
Vomits up Big macs and *Chaos*
And She dies a little more inside ♠
She's collapsed on the floor with
a Glamour crash disfunction
She's smacking herself with the bathroom door
while she's home alone{and she doesn't want to stop}
♥Pumpkin,i should've told you;
about hollywood
And it's lies
that are now
filling up all
the
tears she
cries♥
---> "They call this DIET cola!?!?"
Counting out calories
at midnight with a calculator
even if it's only a 2 digit amount
It still seems too [2] much
And she stares into the fragments of what's left of the stars
x_They look a little like her scars_x
&& She's dreaming about neon coloured candy
and inflicting pain
she wakes up ready for another pina colada
Light on the sugar
Light on the trans fat
Light on the [tragedy]
Just light
Because that's what she is
And they're both vomitted up by life
---------------------------------------------------------------
Author notes
Option 1- Word bank
A contest entry
- Always&Never--x by Dead Star--x.
525 points, ended April 14, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ::>Dirty Pretty by Nicotine Eyes.
300 points, ended April 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I just wish someone loved me.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The message in this piece is so well presented... loved the repetition of 'light..' and i loved the random "they call this DIET cola!?!?" .. classic. lol.
The punctuating really added to the emotion of the piece.. which was very strong although subtly hidden within clever words and fancy grammar.
I honestly adored reading this.
-
I like it...
The punctuation is done well and the words are striking; you get your point across well. May be hard to explain, but you explained it just fine
Liked the images too, and the lines:
"And she stares into the fragments of what's left of the stars
x_They look a little like her scars_x"
well penned, I enjoyed reading
~HH
-
The idea within this poem is great. But why oh why is the wording so un-poetic. This destroys the poem. All the hearts and stars and lines.
The lacking in verbs where there should be because it looks good.
'With angel cake'
The inserting of words where it really doesn't make sense.
'With her Buliemic bruised -Grave- that'
Now I scrolled down and this all made sense. This was for a word bank contest.
And after all those prejudices, because by the title I just assumed you were an EMO (and I don't believe in such) I actually feel identified with this poem. Because right now I'm looking in the mirror every day disgusted at my image, wishing i looked like i did when i was 13. But this comment is for you, sorry.
Everything in this poem makes sense, but it would be nice to take these ideas, and rewrite the poem, from the heart, without stars and that crap that distract people from the poem and the feelings.
Maria
. Rewarded 8
-
Wow, I'm very much for a little more puncuation dirty pretty, but this piece was amazing. Thanks for entering.
-
Wow this is a little unusual from some other poems I've read today. Thanks for entering.
Good luck.
Brian -
umm hunny this doesnt suck at all
there wasnt a stanza i didnt like
♥
finalist!
Dead Star--x -
ZOMG, I love this.
♥Pumpkin,i should've told you;;
sbout hollywood
And it's lies
that are now
filling up all
the
tears she
cries♥
==> that is fantastic.
Best of luck in the contest hunn <3 -
Punched in the gut
I felt punched in the gut, which is a good thing. This is raw and delivers the reader a rare reality check into the world of eating disorders. I think it comes across in a way that will keep the reader thinking about your pain for hours. Don't change a thing.
. Rewarded 6
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wow...this was so all over the place but don't take that harshly I mean well. the fact that it was so irrational made it one of the more intriguing pieces I have read recently. I enjoyed this completely and the subject well who can't relate to that? and I"m guessing this is considered to be the dirty pretty writing style and in seeing this piece I may actually try and create one of my own. If you would like I have featured one of my works and you should read it cause I'm offering alot of points to look at it.
But anyways....take time for your talent...it cannot grow without tender care and practice. Good luck in the future with all your poetry.
Sincerely,
The baby egg
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