three old men -
the football rolls
into an open grave
A contest entry
- Infinituple Haiku by Pollycheck.
600 points, ended April 10, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If these aren't images, please tell me why, ok?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
it is really true in life today
-
I don't understand Haiku yet but I am trying to learn it. I have tried with out much success to write them so not sure how valuable my comment will be... I like this one how it is though. I read it as
'the football rolls
into an open grave' to me to be the set-up or situation.
'three old men' appears to me to be the contrast. So its writen in reverse to the traditional set-up.
The poem itself is in line with what a Haiku is supposed to be - an observation by the author. An observation of an immage if that makes sense.
It is a good Haiku because it does not contain too many descriptive words.
I'm no expert though. -
Thank you for entering my haiku contest.
three old men -
the football rolls
into an open grave
The last two lines are a statement that tells what is happening to the ball, but they are not showing what is happening to the ball.
the rolling football
drops into open grave
or
spinning football
into open grave -
-
Image/Statement
Hi Pollycheck - This is an awesome contest, thanks for running it. I wonder if you could help me, please?
You have said that most of my haiku contain statements rather than images. That's confusing, because I see them as images.
Could you explain to me what the differences are between the two?
I think that "the football rolls into an open grave" is a pure image. It shows the reader exactly what the poet saw.
Your version seems almost exactly the same as mine, except yours lacks an article.
the rolling football
drops into open grave
Yours in confusion and with a learning mind,
BJ.
-
-
This is a very hard concept to grasp. Let me take the example that you used. The football rolls into an open grave states what is happening rahter than shows what is happening. The rolling football does tell ytou what the football is doing, you know it is rolling and your minds eye pictures it. I hope this helps you a little bit. If it doesn't let me know and I will try to explain it a different way.
-
-
-
you make it look so easy...grrr...
the image is perfect...i can just hear
them grumbling about who is going in
after the ball...
love, lane
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
