here i am,
not just a round peg
in a square hole,
but an irregular
hexagonal peg,
not trying especially hard to
fit into a uniform,
square
keyhole.
the light hurts my eyes,
it's a bit bright in here.
'tis why i prefer grey rainy days
waking not to hopeful sunlight,
but to cleansing careful dimness
making everything feel close and safe.
it's as if
someone wants me to know
when tears are shed,
it's only so life can return
to the barren deserts,
the parched creatures,
and hopeless lovers
in Seattle.
i passed a girl on the street today:
her eyes were shining
her mascara had run in feathery patterns
down her cheeks-
a language in which i wish i could read
the secrets of
why she was sad
and what would make her smile.
maybe if i had stopped,
caught her by the hand,
asked what was wrong,
perhaps she would have ended up being my
best friend and confidant for life.
and maybe,
(more likely)
she would have been disturbed by this,
pulled away,
wondered to herself for days to come
why a total stranger had taken an interest in her.
it's just another way
we are all connected and alone,
both at once.
in some ways the connections are
worse even than the loneliness.
at least i can ask myself
why i am what i am
and get an answer.
when i ask you,
the most i can hope for
is a vague approximation,
poorly translated from innnermost thought,
into word-vessels you
have not properly learned to pilot.
they try so hard
to cross that vast sea between our consciousnesses
and just capsize halfway,
or make it but the crew is in no state to
explain what the message meant.
they are only driven to madness by the
sheer inadequacy of language,
glances and gestures,
the inflection you use:
they seem so complex but
still i do not understand you...
if only our minds
fit together
like two spoons, tucked in amongst
all the other silver
we only take out at holiday-time.
then we could communicate
with the merest thought,
how much we mean
to eachother.
Author notes
suuuper long, but i'm happy with it. edited, i think i fixed the flow in the first couple lines.
A contest entry
- your personal best by indomitable.
600 points, ended July 7, 2008, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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the conditions of the mind in our life is very well translated with those words...sometimes the connections worse than loneliness...
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RAAAWR! yup. i love this. very very good. i adore every word, which is kind of rare, and out of the 62 poems in this contest, 57 or so of which ive read thus far, i do believe this is my favorite. oooh i dont even know where to start with all the things i like. i can identify easily with almost all of it, which is a big factor im sure. (except when i ask myself why i am what i am, i get nothing but confusion and answers that change in the space of seconds.) i dont come across too many other people who view overcast days as somehow nicer than sunny days. i also loved the new twist on the whole round peg in a square hole, ripped that cliche apart nicely. i adored the crying woman, and the line after about how were all connected, and oh so alone. oh, and the end... not what i was expecting, but even lovelier for it. this was gorgeous, thank you.
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I think it's fine
Looks like I've met another fellow Washingtonian. I've often experienced that awkward urge to reach out to that troubled stranger, and always hold back, regreting it for the moment, but moving quickly on. Don't know what prevented it, whether the motive, the cause or reason was right or wrong. That's WA for you.
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TT3TT
That was beautiful. ANd I know both you and I have been that crying girl, more than once, even if we've never shed a tear in public. I know, and I understand. I'm always here for you, I'll never let you pass me by, without grabbing you hand and cheering you up. You're my best friend. =3 -
Yep, the first part flows a lot better now.
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Very interesting. I like the metaphor - though I only skimmed it. It looks pretty good. I saw a few grammatical errors, which probably could use some fixing..
But, overall this was a pretty good poem. Yes very long, but it got your thought across.
Nicely penned,
&& keep at it
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:O
forgot these, although I doubt they mean much to you.
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one of my new favourites!
I love all the metaphorical stuff you got going on in there....And I really like what you have at the beginning with the pegs, but it didn't seem to flow quite right...Not a problem though, it was only a few lines and after that it all flowed perfectly, and the content of the beginning was easily adequate to outweigh any minor rhythmic flaws.
I also really like all the nautical stuff in the middle.
"perhaps she would have ended up being my
best friend and confidant for life.
and maybe,
(more likely)
she would have been disturbed by this," I like the whole part with the girl. and this ^^ seems a lot like something you would think about. I love it.
Everything about talking or whatever you would describe it as, I also loved. I thoroughly enjoyed the metaphors, and they made me think...a little too hard actually. heh. But Love it.
"like two spoons, tucked in amongst
all the other silver "
<3<3<3<3
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