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Roller Rink Reminiscence

You meet me with false promises
Of held hands, side-by-side glimpses behind shy smiles
Under depicted night skies.
We circle one another like prey
Muddled by nerves and hypothetic rejection.
Gliding across the wooden floors
While the wind blows cold against my cheeks,
Pink from exertion, excitement
And I look at you, you look at me
Our silence is circuitous. We know what we want to say.

Glowering at ceiling tiles with
Cotton crumpled between the mimicked-midnight scene.
It sprinkles down in snowy tufts
To synthetic starlight that begs for us to wish for reconciliation
In our disputed existence.
I line the walls with all the things you once said
All the days where my presence was enough
To make you smile.
I stalk the impossible bridge of hope
As you fly farther and farther away from forgiveness
Sliding into the arms of another.

Touché, love.





Author notes

Ah.Sosha.

I didn't know if you just wanted it to be about that certain object, so I just incorporated it in my scene.

Object: cotton
Color: white (I didn't directly say it, but I talked about a lot of white things)
Don't use the letter 'a' more than seven times: I think I used it six?
Word count (including title): 63 words

If you don't like it, that's alright with me... although I hope you do. I like what I did with it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Tangled Angle
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't really have any criticism for this.
    Loved the title - really catchy.
    If any criticism, I personally was thinking more of an "ice rink reminiscence" - because you mentioned snow, and didn't mention anything about rolling with roller skates.
    besides that, this was well done.
    simple imagery, packed with passion.
    Good stuff.


  • Catauthor
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is really nice. I like it!

    "synthetic starlight" is awesome, as is "hypothetic rejection."

    The only tiny thing I have to say is that I didn't get the night-sky-mural picture until I read it in your comments, but I'm not sure that you would really need to explain it in the poem...it sort of adds a well-phrased mystery.

    Anyway, great job! *is scared*


  • Asfand
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    love the second stanza, especially the last two lines. brilliant. i also love the incorporated ending. excellentai!!!


    • Ah.Sosha.
      April 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I definitely think the second stanza is my favorite. Thank you so much!


  • And Hyetal
    April 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    DAAAAAAAANG!

    I'm honestly speechless... I could really tell you were confident writing this poem.

    Just a quick question, but what did cotton have to do with roller skating? I really like what you did with it, I'm just a little confused (as usual. ).

    awesomeawesomeawesome!!! ^^

    ~Cassie

    PS: My entry sucks.


    • Ah.Sosha.
      April 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      This roller rink has like a mural of the night sky, and I like that it gave the whole feel of being outside while being inside. The cotton was the clouds, maybe even some snow.

      It may not be the best subject, but I was really feeling it when I wrote it and I'm glad you like it.

      P.S. Your entry does not suck.

1 - 7 of 7