You appear like raindrops,
extinguishing, suppressing,
these raging demons, enflamed fears,
leaving charred remains to wash away.
You speak with gasoline,
arousing, igniting,
this wild, dangerous love,
my heart implodes, explodes, every word you say.
You leave like you sink through,
forever staining, breaking,
this already crippled heart,
hoping, praying for your return one day.
Comment please! (Will always return the favor!)
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You leave like you sink through,
forever staining, breaking,
Wow, this was a great read. Loved your diction, and it just flows together nicely.
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The imagery in this is awesome. Starting with water, then going to fire, then finishing it off with the after effects with both. Keep writing!
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Wow
its really good I honestly like it it reminds me of the things that I have gone through. -
I really like the second stanza. Interesting idea.
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reads with a very interesting rhythm and has a nice flow
the second stanza is my favorite, though it is all good.
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This piece was well structured, thought, and formed. I liked its simplicity but also loved how deep it felt when reading it. Poetry comes from the heart and mind. Emotions on paper and this is a good example in my opinion. The title works well also. Good write, thanks for this!
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wow... thats a great poem, and the simple rhyme you have going is cool. Awesome job!
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Nice!
I like the vivid descriptions. It goes a long way to explain the feeling of a broken heart. Good luck. -
I honestly don't even know what to say,
that's how astounding this is,
is great.
Its prefect.
..Simply Me♥ -
Great
This is great. I agree with grannyari, the "-ing" adjectives are wonderful. Metaphors, like comparing words to gasoline and starting with the raindrop-like-entrance, are done just as well. It really says a lot for such a small poem. This reminds me of an emotionally abusive relationship, where one person is cruel to the other, but the second person still cares deeply for the first. Overall, I can't think of anything that needs to be improved. Well penned.
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This was really really good actually.. the image that you created was interesting.. I like how you mixed nature with love and fire like it's the base for passion.. I really liked this.. Great write..
Peace to you,
Jetleena
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This is a very passionate piece, passions almost too hot to handle
'this wild dangerous love'
one moment inflaming...
'you speak with gasoline'
the next moment extinguishing...
'You appear like raindrops'
The heart seems to have been so hurt by the experience, one wonders why the return would be prayed for!
Some very effective imagery to convey the strength of uncontrolled feelings. Well done
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so many ing verbs, do not see them like this so often. Like the metaphors you have used here as well. - good flow and vivid images created.
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Hm... Very interesting concept of... love you have penned here. I don't think I have read anything like it. it is new... quite interesting and it did keep my attention all the way through.
Like gasoline... hmmm... That is such an interesting image.
I like what you did here... Something new
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intense i loved it its um what is it talking about love or something like that could you send me a message and tell me what its talking about and um will you please read one off my poems and coment one off them i dont care witch one you read i just wont to know what you think of my writing you could read black out or freinds or a poem please it would mean alot to me to have such a talented writer you tell me what you think of my writing thanks for sharing with us veiwers you a talented writer keep it up
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Powerful.
The language is powerul and leaves vivid images in the mind, of rain, of flame. The use of two related words side by side (lines 2, 6, 8, 10, 12) makes for a memorable description. I love the comparisons you make (lines 1, 3, 9). This is a poem that I will remember for its rich descriptions and words.
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