When the moon spreads her lace
across the African sky’s vast darkness
so that waves of soothing black
entwine themselves through her carefully woven beauty—
I will love you fervently,
permitting heart to fill with starry expectation;
But when she gathers up her dainty curtain,
pulling it close again
to her heaving breast,
allowing selfish sun to resume his haughty burn—
I will love you quietly,
and with gentle,
sad contentment.
I am thankful
to know love, even unrequited,
for it writes its composition
upon the blankness of each hopeful page
of tender memory
and can be sought when nights are lonely,
and read again
when day snuffs out the drum of sweetest music
and so filling me—
(oh, savory sukima wiki!)
with everything I lack.
Author notes
Sukima wiki –used metaphorically here—in Kiswahili literally means “to stretch the week.” Sukima wiki is what we call greens, and can be grown readily and eaten as a source of rich nutrients when other provision is scarce, thus "stretching" the provision out for longer.
I have used both poem prompts by Leopold Sédar Senghor, of Senegal (1906-2001), as inspiration for this piece.
__________________
Translated from Femme Noir (Black Woman, lines 10-19)
Naked woman, dark woman
Ripe fruit with firm flesh, dark raptures of black wine,
Mouth that gives music to my mouth
Savanna of clear horizons, savanna quivering to the fervent
caress
Of the East Wind, sculptured tom-tom, stretched drumskin
Moaning under the hands of the conqueror
Your deep contralto voice is the spiritual song of the
Beloved.
________________
Love And the Sun (lines 12-17)
I think of you when I am walking or swimming,
Sitting or standing, I think of you morning and night,
When I cry in the evening, and Oh yes, when I laugh
When I speak to myself and when I remain silent
in my joy and pain. When I think and do not think,
My dear, I'm always thinking of you!
In a list
- 0-Personal Favorites • next in list
- 1-Golds • next in list
- Love Poems • next in list
- Time and Place • next in list
- brilliant poetry by my friends • next in list
A contest entry
- ... Femme Noir...Leopold Senghor by Peteskid.
1000 points, ended April 12, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Such a passionate, well written piece, it's how sighs get born.
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..a feeling of passion,of peace,of beauty,of love from this poem....sensual imagery using nature...
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I enjoyed the playfulness and sensuality of this piece, Ten. How you use non-reciprocal love as a means to pass time. The moon is clearly no ladette, more a graceful and perceptive, feminine toyer of the sun's given male ego
That lent a nice touch to the piece, a humour in a sense. She is more aware of him than he of her it seems, but she plays with that, turning potential sadness into fantasy while continuing her duties to nature without falter. I did wonder whether in Line 3 the "waves" might be substituted with another word that'd tie in more with the "fabric of nature" metaphors/device you're working with in the first stanza - ie a word such as "fabric(s)", "strands", "threads" etc?
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Thanks so much, Stuart. You are one of my favorite comment-givers. I always appreciate your careful attention and thoughtfulness.
I like what you said about changing the word... I know WHY I used waves... it was for the long vowel sound and a bit of assonance with the first line...but I really like your idea. I will chew on this a bit and see what I can noodle from it.
Thanks, as always, for your graciousness. ten
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This is very amazing. Oh how I wish i could create a masterpiece like this.
Beautifyly written.
Joe
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Excellent
An exceptional poem encompassing some simple but beautifully chosen imagery
a pleasure to read Well Done......George....
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like it too much
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Brilliant write!
The imagery is out of this world. -
Had to come get this one to add to my favorites...
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Another outstanding piece you bring us, cleverly weaving your prompts to bring such quality poetry. Stunning work! Kindest thoughts, Anna-Marie.
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Oh my this is a masterpiece! So many lines stood out, and feelings ran its course through my mind.
Beautiful, truly beautiful.
PW
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well done.
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jeez..
you just blew my mind..i'm astounded by your pure genius with the pen, what a god given gift you have..
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Ah yes, Senghor. I remember him. I may have written his biography on OldPoetry, but I could be wrong. I forget the ones I've done. Maybe I just helped edit it...or I ate too much Sukima wiki.
I like the moods that you apply to the moon and sun, the differing ways to express love.
'For I am thankful
to know love, even unrequited'
as a metaphor I have no complaint, realistically speaking, I always wonder what the joy is in a love that is unrequited. It is an argument (yeah, I'm that boring, lol) I have had with a friend or two before..if love need to be reciprocated to be worth anything. Where was I? lol
Of course here it pertains to dreaming, to having something to think about on lonely nights, so maybe I can't defend my position in such a limited atmosphere.
Or I could but I just don't care, lol
It's a beautiful poem though.
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great write
the seamless flow from a physical realm to the tender playfield of emotions is so sublte and refreshing like treading softly on dewy lawns. Nice to have found this !
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Soft and vivid beauty resonates within this fine penning.I love the contrasts between the dark of night and light of day, Brilliant.Thanks for sharing your poetic muse.Be blessed in all you ever do.
Tony
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Wow!! This has such a warm feeling and its almost like a song in my head which i can feel in me! This poem is really subtle and visionary!! You can almost the beautiful moon adorning the African Skies...!!! It is absolutely brilliant!! Well deserved!!
~pri
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Exemplary!
ahhh...your astounding skill has landed you another win. No big surprise; this piece gave me a rise in consciousness in the sense that I was immediately jolted by its intensity; by its fascinating calm wandering and quiet musing. Such excellent lines that I scarcely know what to point out. Therefore, I chose this part that depicted marked hope and powerful realism; such awesome imagery as well:
"For I am thankful
to know love, even unrequited,
for it writes its composition
upon the blankness of each hopeful page
of tender memory"
Bravo. You have done it again I see.
AsIThink...
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I am not surprised you have all of these trohpies!
Everything you write is so magnificently worded.
'For I am thankful
to know love, even unrequited,
for it writes its composition
upon the blankness of each hopeful page
of tender memory'
That's the part that stood out the most to me.
Thank you for writing. An awkward comment, perhaps, but I'm simply amazed by what I have read from you.
~ Socky
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WOW!
This is an absolutely amazing poem! I am beyond words no wonder it won a gold! -
The expression of love and hopefull longing in this poem are very beautifully expressed and can clearly be felt and the scene is wonderful. The African sky is produces some of the worlds greatest light shows.
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again, well deserving of gold this is excellent bar none
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This is truly breath taking. It's not often when I say that I'm impressed. I mean when an impression is left. But this is impressive. Thanks for your author's note. Write on, poet. One.
Dez -
What a beautiful rendering in poetic form, this piece is awesome, I loved it, the soft trill that came with this piece is quite mesmerizing abeauty to behold Bravo
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liked first half better than second.
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This has a distinct African rhythm in it and the metaphor and use of language is done very nicely. I am drawn to it, but then Africa seems to do that to me *sigh...well done Bug! Love, C
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This is so lovely, as are all your wonderful love poems. Both of these prompt poems have inspired such lyrical verse. I thought the juxtaposition of "I will love you fervently" with "I will love you quietly" was so poignant. Although this poem has its roots in Africa, the universality of its message will attract readers from everywhere. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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Oh this is truly beautiful *sigh*. Such stunning imagery and metaphors, woven into a really breathtaking write.
Your talent never ceases to amaze me!
All the best with this
Gaylene
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Breath-takingly beautiful!
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I read this twice...It is so beautiful, and so much so, that I could not choose favorite lines because I would have to highlight the entire poem...I love emotion and the beautiful softness of language used in this...I really love every line...Sigh. I may have a new favorite of yours!
Bookmarking...
Lynda
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Lovely expressions of longing and loving. Outstanding "moon spreads her lace". Completely love the third stanza metaphor, "gathers up her dainty curtain...allowing selfish sun to resume his haughty burn!"
Great description, that "love, even unrequited,...writes its composition upon...each hopeful page of tender memory."
Very nice conclusion, esp with Author notes explanation.
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Your positively Brilliant.
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You are beautiful.
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Such rich beauty here in these verses, capturing so well a voice that reminds me of Senghor, humilty, gratitude for the gift of love; acceptance of a place in a world greater than ourselves, just beautiful-- wonderful depth of thought. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck to you in the judging...PK
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