scritch scratch
scritch scratch
the cadence of fingernails on wood
(like the pen pressing my binder)
hardened sentiment of
bright pain,
glitter of the sky bedeck my hands...
line after line drawn with
ragged hangnails
sparkles marking shattered line breaks,
sea blue affirmations.
tearing ream after ream
scritch scratch
scritch scratch
Author notes
rockerchkpoet
critical comments please.
Prompt:
Choose a word (paper)
Choose a color (blue)
40 - 70 words (Word Count: 51)
Do not use the letter 'o' more than 7 times (only used 6 times)
The title: 'schrede' is the Middle English form of 'shred'.
I chose the color blue because there are blue lines on notebook paper.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 10 (Top 4) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended April 14, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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CHECK line five and six they may flow better as one line it seems the flow is broeken there
You are definetely a wonderful young poet there are people much older that cannot do this excellent
read it a few more times out loud
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in stanza 3: from line 2 to line 3, just didnt flow right. probably because of the phrasing. it's like something was needed after "hangnails" - maybe a semi colon?
besides that, I really like the image, and how you made it a metaphor to you being the paper.
I felt it lacked a wave of emotion though. There was emotion - like in the middle - but it just didn't have enough to really move me.
For what is here though, it cannot be taken away from you that this is a great poem.
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killer ending. loved it, especially the scritch scratch. gives an excellent feel.
god, you are good. i was going to do paper but wimped out for lack of muse.
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Ooh, I like this. Very nice.
I think that writing about writing is sort of overdone, but you did it really well and differently.
I think that the "scritch scratch" should either have both parts in italics, or neither--having none at the beginning but adding them at the end seemed a bit odd.
...and that's all the changes I can think of making! I love the phrase "tearing ream after ream" a lot. Great job!
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I was thinking about the italics thing, too... I'm going in and changing that.
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Its good. Don't worry
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brilliant!
I loved thsi write, Cassie, a brilliant write indeed!!!
You chose random things and made a BEAUTIFUL poem out of them, keep on writing Cassie!
~Annie
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Excellent
You tied the words in perfectly and within the word count while using such a crusial vowel only six times! What more can I say but amazing?
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