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Falling

She trips and falls
Tumbles through the frigid air
Hands grasping, grabbing,
Nothing there.

Swift and weighty
Somersaulting through space
Screaming, sobbing,
Terrified face.

Closer and flailing,
Disjointed mid air dance
Not this time
Just one more chance.

Almost there
It's time to go
This is it
Oh please God no.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • judmc
    June 22, 2008
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    Good Poem

    Brilliant word usage so much conveyed by so few words
    I really liked this poem, but you have written so few
    its a waste of talent please write some more.
    Best Wishes and Kind Regards George.++++
    p.s. Did you read my poem "Values" as I suggested
    I know you would like it.


  • Nangaleema
    April 6, 2008

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    You have captured the tension and fear of a near death experience. The second stanza is my favorite, it is very descriptive, touching all the senses. Well done. - NANGALEEMA


  • Chocoholic156
    April 5, 2008

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    This is a very good poem that entails all the senses without litterally spelling them out. Which is a very good skill to have. My favorite line has to be the first stanza, but at the same time it is your weakest because in every falling poem, including my own, there is the character grabbing something that isn't there. Also a part that I think could be improved is this:
    "It's time to go
    This is it"
    With these lines you slow down time in the middle of the addrenaline rush that you are giving the reader. You need to make time speed up, make the reader not want to stop, with these, you are preparing to end. The "this is it" line just seems jumpy to me all on its own.
    I hope this helped, and happy writing!


  • Mr Violet
    April 5, 2008

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    Wow man you can rhyme! Very cool how it's sad but like fast moving at the same time. Just the right length too. Good job!


  • Emile
    April 5, 2008
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    Very Good

    You have a good sense of rhyme and rhythm and can put feelings into your word choices. The descriptive wording and the great imagery bring this piece to life. The story like quality brings a friendly feeling to the reader and we can almost feel the sensation of falling. Well done.


  • LoveSpell-PurpleRose silver member
    April 5, 2008

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    Very Well Written !

    I really like your poem it reminds me of me as well as my childhood memories. It is so interesting that it made me wanna read it all the way through, for it goes and flows so well alot like mine some time's do. Keep up the wonderful imagry and wording !Just like life we are alway's grasping and grabing, and it seems as nothing there. As well as Almost there It's time to go, This is it , Oh Please God no. I like it all alot. Brenda Gae

1 - 6 of 6