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What if?

What if love is jealousy of the heart,
And faith is wanting to belong?
Like the child at the playground,
Singing that lonely song.
Or the single sided stone
That lacks a face. 
And the little girl with her doll
Whose tattered dress, bares torn lace.
What if this all meant something?
Like answers to unanswerable questions
Will it change us or our lives?
Separating our beliefs into sections?
Your answer: No, maybe yes. 
Life is just one random guess.




Author notes

I know we didn't have to rhyme, but this is how i roll

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • HereComesTheSun
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    i love your use of questions and yet how it wasnt all question after questions but questions laced with examples you also did a great job with word choice and how you described love i think is spot on.

    thank you very much for entering


  • Ami
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    Rhyming is my favorite
    I cant write with out rhyming..
    I love the way it ended
    Great Write and
    Thank you for entering
    Good Luck


  • Poetess12
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    The flow and rhyme areas of this poem are good.

    The poems questions give something to think about.

    and it is so true, "Life is just one random guess.

    Thank you very much for your entry.


  • leander Moderators member
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyme is done quite neatly, but the flow seems a little bit wobbly here and there. Nothing bad really, but just wanted to mention it.

    This is quite a thought-provoking piece you've written here and I like that.

    Thank you for entering the contest!
    Leander


  • BabyBun silver member
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is my kind of poem - I love the questions it raises and the way they are phrased. Well done and good luck!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Life is full of what if's that is for sure...this is written very well...love the flow and imagery...deeply thought provoking...well done...
    thank you for sharing.
    mystic

  • davidwright silver member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's a fine poem and asks a lot of questions. Deep stuff for a teenager. Thanks for your entry and happy trails

  • Judith Chandler
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Life is one random guess, you are right about that, and I like the philosophical way you are responding to it.

    Like the images in your write.

  • ecrivain01
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting write ...

    thanks for entering.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Displays the question of "if" in focused verse.
    I like the references to childhood isolation,
    I thought that brought the point home vividly.
    I would change tatter to tattered so the context
    fits. Excellent response to this prompt. Blue


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think we all have so many of those what ifs.. but yes, life seems a gamble doesn't it! Great write!


  • thejollytinker
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Roll on, your rhyme works! Vivid images and description. Hell, "maybe" is as expansive as "if" or "almost." Heard that from many women, usually followed by "if..." Well done- only suggestion is change "tatter" to "tattered." Thanks!


    • raven-ink
      October 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      :)

      thanks you very much. I took that suggestion. You right, I have no idea why I had "tatter" istead of "tattered"... whoops.
      Thank you!

  • Deadmans Heart
    May 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations U cleared the first elimination round.lol

    I was going through seeing which poems to consider and which ones to ignore, you have a shot in my contest(so far) I really enjoyed the way it questioned things in your poem, and how it closed, you even were able to make it seem free-verse while rhyming.


  • daviscth silver member
    April 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for your entry. My answers can be found at the link.

    http://allpoetry.com/poem/4179783


  • Heavens Child
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you open this piece, it caught my attention right away. Nicely written. Thank you for entering.


  • siddy jones
    April 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like the last line. it was well written good luck in the contest.


  • Blooming Poet
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thats a lot of questions that personally I do not have a lot of answers for. Whst if is right.

1 - 19 of 19