I could see him across the room
Just standing there
Ignoring all of the pretty faces
that happened to pass his way
I held my breath
and took a step
Toward my beloved
I was so close to what I wanted
It happened so fast
I didn't see it coming
Or should I say I didn't see her coming
I stopped, as I watched her with my beloved
I could see him smiling across the room
Just smiling at her
They ignored all around them
As if all around them were delusions
They left together
Side by side
My head bowed in sorrow as I watched
My sister with my beloved
Just standing there
Ignoring all of the pretty faces
that happened to pass his way
I held my breath
and took a step
Toward my beloved
I was so close to what I wanted
It happened so fast
I didn't see it coming
Or should I say I didn't see her coming
I stopped, as I watched her with my beloved
I could see him smiling across the room
Just smiling at her
They ignored all around them
As if all around them were delusions
They left together
Side by side
My head bowed in sorrow as I watched
My sister with my beloved
Author notes
Made by me, Shannon Green
"a rose of any color and bright blue daisies"
A contest entry
- so close, yet so far by going nowhere.
450 points, ended April 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt and Pain (It's All The Same) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended April 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BackStabber! by GypsyEyes.
575 points, ended April 18, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your BEST prewrites!! by perfectsunset.
1000 points, ended April 24, 2008, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by XXCrimsonRaineXX.
1380 points, ended April 27, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Truth About Love by HereComesTheSun.
600 points, ended July 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Poetry! by BeautifullyBroken42.
300 points, ended May 6, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry by Blooming Poet.
1200 points, ended May 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Relationships..pain and happiness! by SuiCiDaLKiSs.
410 points, ended June 9, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Heart by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 118 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Your Best by JustFallingApart.
400 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Oh! what a horrible blow when I read the ending. It would already vaccum air profusely by having you love taken by another girl but your sister....that's tough, I wouldn't be able to handle that. Nice write, I hope this isn't personal. Best of luck in the contest, thank you so much for entering hope all is well
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nice one
i didn't expect that one... i feel the pain. i enjoyed this piece..good luck! -
I love how the poem is not boring at all you kept the reader interested and wantign to read. Great poem. Loved it
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the end just wow adds a twist and its just wow amazing poem and i can just haha wow. welllllll done
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Wow, the last line of this poem really blew me away. It was a suprise twist. I can also feel the emotion in this poem. Excellent write, and good luck in my contest.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
Aww, this was so sad. It is always members of the family who backstabs us the worst.. lol.. great poem, beautifully written
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Such a sad ending to a beautifully written poem. It hurts a million times more when a member of the family, especially a sibling, is selfish and careless enough to steal another sibling's man. That has got to feel like a knife in the back a hundred times over. So sorry that it happened to you.
Just remember, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Thanks for sharing & best of luck in my contest
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oh well that was slap in the face! you should have had a talk with your sister! i know that i had to with mine! great poem! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck!
NineTailedFox -
Truly respect those who can come out from under this considering the hurt and heartache you feel with this. Very expressive and tragic, I hope this didn't really happen to you...
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i knew the ending was going to be sad, but didn't expect the sister... a feeling of an empty pit in my stomach... thank you for your entry.
1 - 10 of 10










