The long and agonizing war was over
as I finally waved my white flag,
signaling the surrender he had awaited for so long.
He won the war,
he won the greatest prize of all,
he won her heart.
I fought as hard as I could,
but it wasn't hard enough,
for I was still forced to retreat
if I ever wanted the pain to end.
I survived that war with just one scar,
the worst kind anybody could endure
but it was not he who left it...
it was her.
She left a permanent scar,
a scar no one could see,
a scar no one could feel,
a scar deep within my soul
that would never heal.
And the only one who knows it's there...
is me.
It was she who stole my heart,
then shattered it
when she chose another.
Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for.
Every battle scar has a story,
and now you've heard mine.
Author notes
Oh, and yeah, I know it's kinda weird that I wrote it from a guys point of view, when I'm a girl. But I'm not gay or anything like that at all. I just felt inspired by Jacob's situation.
Missa
Alice is my favorite! 
A contest entry
- {{Twilight}} Lovers by trinajean.
600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♪♥ Stand where I stood - Song inspired CONTEST ♥♪ by Rebekah-Ann.
600 points, ended June 25, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry Battle PIF Come In And Vote ** NEED VOTERS NOW** by RedwingSpirit.
600 points, ended July 3, 2008, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What You'd Give For Love by DarknessOfSanity.
900 points, ended July 4, 2008, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unrequited Love by yaong.
1100 points, ended July 5, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture inspired- But you choose the picture!! by Lady Michaella.
425 points, ended July 5, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Something by HiddenByTheDark.
380 points, ended July 10, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prompts & more prompts. by TChaplinette.
450 points, ended August 15, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight's Super Awsome by Falling in Loveless.
330 points, ended August 19, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TWILIGHT!!! by Luthien Luinwe.
550 points, ended September 25, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight & Tears by Asylaarix.
1750 points, ended October 15, 2008, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EDWARD CULLEN! AND BELLA SWAN!!!!!!!!!!! by Bohemianwriter.
450 points, ended October 29, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For group TWILIGHT FANS contest only :P by Jailyn.
2300 points, ended February 9, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want depressing love poetry! by xxvampyregirlxx.
1000 points, ended November 22, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 98 of 98
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geez a ton of trophys...but they are well deserved. this is an amazing write.
(alice is my favorite as well) -
Wow, you have a lot of trophies for this one!! Good work and well done!
It is very interesting to see a Jacob inspired piece, as the majority of Twilight inspired poems I have read seem to focus around Bella and Edward, so this really shakes things up a little and makes them interesting
This piece has a lot of raw emotion in it, you can really feel Jacobs pain, sadness and frustration and you have the ability to make your readers feel what you are writing...
when I first read it, I thought that the rhyme/rhythm was kinda off, or maybe slightly rusty, but then I read it again and found that it did flow quite well, and I really liked the way it was set out as it kinda makes me feel like i am reading/feeling Jacobs disjointed and hurt thoughts.
your imagery/analogy of the battle field is also very well done, I think those who havent read twilight would also be able to relate to this on a different level.. and how it is written kind of makes it sound like, although Jacob has been hurt by Bella, he views her as a worthy apponent in his battle.
Thanks for entering my contest, and for sharing your work
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wow youve got alot of trouphs for this one lol its verry nicley written and sence all the other poepel in my contest have no chance, if i do allow pre-writes i would appresate it if u didjt enter this one
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Hm... You kept switching first person to third person. That was a bit confusing. So was the fact it was Jacob. I thought is was Jasper. The poem was nice though. Good flow. Nice job Good luck
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no i didn't. its all first person. when jacob says "he" jacob is talking about Edward.
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ok
I read it again. It makes more sense. It's still good.
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Definately can feel his sadness and exhaustion about the events. Watching a friend fall apart killed him inside and due to his differences with the Cullens or at least his packs - this one describes a great respect for Bella in a way. For, without it, he would've acted irresponsably.
'it is she who stole my heart
and shattered it'
such a beautiful way of seeing it, though a heartwrenching one. Nicely wrote. -
This is really great, only problem is i need a little bit more on the way he got through his battle the way he found strength to carry on but this is indeed a great poem only you might hate me because i haven't read any of the twilight series so have no idea who you are talking about ... sorry!!
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YAY!!!! jacob!!! its really good though its exactly how i imagined he would feel!!! i love it!!
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OMG. I love jacob. Wow this poem got alot of awards. [That's not good towards winning my contest unfortunatly, I like to spread the trophies] BUT! I loved the poem alot. It was so well written that despite my inclination to not give it a trophy it might really be one of the best ones. By the way I am a slight Jacob fan xD
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oooo my god, this was awesome!!
It was she who stole my heart,
then shattered it
when she chose another.
Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for.
Every battle scar has a story,
and now you've heard mine.
Simply heart wrenching, but very good!! Love the emotions portrayed here. Cheers!!
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I LOVE TWILIGHT.
I LOVE THIS!
that is all!
ElectricBloom -
Love the piece, it speaks of so many sad truths, but some beauty also alas. I love how you use love as a metaphor for war, just a back and forward battle, just one winner. But neither truly wins at all.
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W.O.W..................this is great!
Jacob is actually my favriout character in the twilight series you all ma hate me for this but im a proud member of the 7% of TEAM JACOB!!!, lol i feel he loves bella more for who she is rather than Edward dont get me wrong i love edward too but i feel he's only lusted by bella and the scent of her blood and he cant make up his mind whether he loves her or not, Jacob i feel has alot more feelings for bella but its bella who doesnt know whether she loves him or not well actually its pretty clear she loves him she just doesnt WANT to love him cause of edward lol i've read all four books like 10 times each! i've phycoanalysed it all lol so il stop digressing there lol but yeah back to the point!....i really like how you've showed jacobs feelings for bella in a way no one else can see or understand. and i like how you've positioned bella as being a ptize lol weired i wrote a poem called :THE SWEETEST CRIME (EDWARD AND BELLA). you should take a look at it i used the same point as bella just being a prize for both thats how i see it anyway. only jacob wants it more...
YEAH GREAT WRITE!!!!! THANKS FOR ENTERING AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
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I am so so happy that you wrote in Jacobs POV
That was the best thing you could have done
I too have fallen for Jacob ...
He's like the "other man" in the back of my mind
Thank you for writing this
Amazingly and beautifully done!
TT
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ok, so i dont highly dislike him either. i just love edward a WHOLE lot more.
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WHOA!!! no no no. i'm not AT ALL on Team Jacob. TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!!! I just don't hate Jacob. But I highly dislike him.
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LOL I know what you meant
And I feel the same way
He feels like that "other guy"
like he did to Bella
I am ALL abour Edward
But Jacob does grow on you!
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Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for.
^I wanted to cry when I read those lines! This was very touching, though parts had a touch of cliche or blandess to them, like a lack of colorful words....it still truly touched me and I am glad to have this entry in my contest! -
Whoo! Twilight, lol. Very nice read. I enjoy seeing life through Jacob's eyes. Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!
P.S. Don't feel weird for writing in a boy's pov. I'm a girl, and have written a few things in boy pov. It feels weird, but it only makes your writer's mind grow. ^^ -
Awesome job! I love Jacob, and writing about him as a werewolf in this is just fabulous. Best of luck in the contest.
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Ahh... tis so sad. But then again, life isn't fair. Great write.You did a great job expressing the deep emotions and heartwrenching pain Jacob went through. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Excellent write. My only blip would be the repeating of words, but I know thats my pet hate
Neat read, good luck
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Well, I didn't watch Twilight before, but I had this quiz on facebook called Which Twilight Character are you & I was Jacob!!
Cool Coincidence to know about him from you & now I found out why I was him, coz i love someone & he just left a scar---i wondered how i am a girl, & be a male character, but now i know why
This's a wonderful piece too, I really enjoyed reading it, yet i cried alot, before i write the comment.
best of luck & thnx for entering
GloriousGift
Heba -
A truly wonderful poem. The thoughts are all too real for some such as myself. You have brought out the emotion of a heart in conflict where a tremendous battle was fought. It is interesting thought that it mentions nothing of what went on in the war but just simply that it was won. Then afterwards all of the after effects or Shell Shock comes flowing in. A beautiful write and most excellent piece.
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very sad. and i love the twilight novels. lol. and this was really good to be coming from jacobs point of view... you need to read the new novel, breaking dawn. it is amazing! but really, good job!
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oh this is so sad, and I'm sorry that happened. It's an interesting poem, and I love the title. Thankyou for entering my contest
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Wow, this is a very intersting poem. I like how you base it on Jacob's point of view. Good luck in your contest(s).
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This is excellent! You really feel Jacob's pain here. I agree with you, Edward is better than jacob but Jacob still deserves a little credit, and people don't respect that- *sigh*. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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thank you for entering, i really liked it. a geart interpretation of jacobs fellings -it makes me feel bad for him.. but there sitll is hope for him to imprint on someone!-
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Wow. I love the metaphors here! I think it's good, a lot of emotion put into this poem.
Thanks for entering, and good luck!
-->pia♫♪
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I am sorry but this does not truly fit the idea of the contest. I am not saying it is not a decent write, just not what I sought. Best luck in your other contests you entered this in, and keep penning.
Serenity
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so that was pretty.....FANTASTIC!
i LOVE the twilight series, and i can totally see jacob writing something exactly like this.
it's basically flawless.
thank you so much for entering.
and good luck.
♥taylor -
Thank you for entering my contest.
It fits Jacob well...but I dont believe he ever gave up, so far, he's still fighting his love for her - and against Edward. He just backed off, since they were getting married, after the invitation. He'll most likly be back in Breaking Dawn....ready and willing to try again...poor fool
....maybe he'll imprint someone, and it wont matter...unless he imprints Bella O.O
Anyways, overall, a very good write, that, as you admited, can easily relay the feelings of much more than Jacob.
Well done
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this definatly made me feel for jacob even more. it like you got into his head about this situation. wonderful to read
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lol. yeah its kinda ironic that i write all my twilight poems from jacob because i am soooo team edward! lol
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Very well done as many others have noted. Your talent OoOzes from the seams. I am glad to have experienced your talent.
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This was so sad. I guess it would feel like fighting a war trying to win the love of someone who doesn't feel the same. Thanks for entering and good luck
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I've read
&& Commented this before. You should know that i love it. -
very emotionally descriptive. i have many friends who absolutely adore the Twilight series.
good poem. -
While I was reading this, before I saw your author note, I thought this was about Twilight.
And Jacob, then I saw your an and I was like! Wow! this Is really good! I really like it!!
Thanks so much for entering my contest!! -
Very well written. I exaclty know the feelings described as it pertains to a recent episode in my life. I think you did an great job using a little metaphore. The fklow could use a little bit of work but its alright. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Thank you for your entry in our contest for Rhyme and Flow. It was an interesting read but it is not a rhyming poem.
Thanks again...Sue and Jeff
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Oh man, I am SO in love the the twilight series, (can't wait for the movie, hope hollywood doesn't screw it up) and I think this captures Jacob perfectly. You can feel his despair, and his hurt, but in the end he's still in love with her. Love the poem, thanks for entering!
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Compelling write -- I actually thought it was written from two distinct points a view. The first stanza in a womans [you] point a view and what should be a second stanza in a mans point a view.
The long and agonizing war was over
as I finally waved my white flag,
signaling the surrender he had awaited for so long.
He won the war,
he won the greatest prize of all,
he won her heart.
I fought as hard as I could,
but it wasn't hard enough,
for I was still forced to retreat
if I ever wanted the pain to end.
I survived that war with just one scar,
the worst kind anybody could endure
but it was not he who left it...
it was her.
[suggest a split here to separate as stanzas]
She left a permanent scar,
a scar no one could see,
a scar no one could feel,
a scar deep within my soul
that would never heal.
And the only one who knows it's there...
is me.
It was she who stole my heart,
then shattered it
when she chose another.
Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for.
Every battle scar has a story,
and now you've heard mine.
The reason why I thought it was a woman talking is because of your first sentence:
"The long and agonizing war was over
as I finally waved my white flag,
signaling the surrender he had awaited for so long."
Assuming most relationships are male, female. You wrote I waved my flag signaling the surrender he had waited for. Therefore I believed it was a woman talking about a man.
My favorite lines in this is clearly:
"She left a permanent scar,
a scar no one could see,
a scar no one could feel,
a scar deep within my soul
that would never heal.
And the only one who knows it's there...
is me."
Powerful is the words that come to mind. Anyone who has experiance this would understand.
Thanks so much for sharing your work with me, I do appreciate you entering the contest "Passion" it was my pleasure having you and reading your work.
Best of luck to you,
Florida Sunshine
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This is great!! Loved the whole meaning and symbolism hidden within it!
Great job!
Best of luck in the contest! -
wow an amazingly good poem I love it. And I don't think it matters the point of view it really of how you tell the story. I LOVE IT
♥always Kay
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wonderful poem. although i think it would be easier to read it if you broke it up into stanzas
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wow
this was an amzing poem..i really love the last stanza.....thanks sooooooooo much for entering my contest
keep writing
keep smiling
keep the peace
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=]
Wow. I've never read the series, not one book. Though everyone of my friends have and they are utterly obsessed. So, after i'm done commenting all of the entries, I will be sending the link to all of them to read and love. =] I'm ever so sure they will. Because i don't know the story line i can't judge it based on that. However as a poem, it's written well and it is a lovely story line so far..
It's very sad though. =\ "Love is a battlefield" haha, love the 80's usage. Wonderful.
Thank you and good luck. -
This was an amazing poem and I like how you chose to your words and how you made love seem like a battlefield. Great job
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amazing job with this poem! it is extremely deep! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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I haven't read the book, but you have penned a valid poem from a man's point of view, and kudos to you for that. Good luck in the contest.
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OMG. I love the Twilight saga!
You just won your way into my heart! And I absolutely loved the way you looked at it from his point of view -it was /so/ well done! I absolutely loved this! Thanks so much for entering -good luck! -
First of all Eclipse is a great book!
I like the metaphor, "Love is a Battlefield"
Well done!
-GL in contest -
Ah..what a concept you brought here..bringing smile on my face...I love this piece....tjhansk for such a great piece....
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This is pretty good I think the last stanza took it to far you did not need it you already told the story I think ending it at the last Love is a battlefield. Would make this much better
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Missa,
Thanks For entering I think your the same that entered I just commented on. This ones nice too. Good Luck
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oooh, I likie this. I love Jacob too, werewolves rock! But this is also a good poem for my contest, describing the pain of life, what the costs and rewards are for loving someone, or something, Thank you, I like how you made it seem like the person's heart was broken by the boy, but it was really the girl...hope you do well
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_No_ Creativity / Originality
_No_ Imagery
_Yes_ Metaphor
_Yes_ Emotion
_No_ Reaction
_Yes_ Relatability
_No_ Fluency
_Yes_ Powerful Beginning
_Yes_ Powerful Middle
_No_ Powerful Ending
_Yes_ Connecting Ideas
_Yes_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
_No_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore) -
very nice!
sad tale about heartbreak, but at the same time it's rooted in reality so it goes like that sometime. good job with this write.
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very well done! I love the take and I love the line, becareful who you fight with and who you fight with. I've been having allot of "fighting" lately and this poem really hits home.
Thank you for the lovely entry!
All the best.
Becks
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I enjoyed this piece alot. I liked how one line flowed into the next. It made me feel bad for Jacob, I'm an Edward fan at heart, but I still love Jacob! Thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest!
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TWILIGHT IS THE WORLDS MOST AMAZING BOOKS EVER!!! EDWARD FOR LIFE. i to, have respect for jacob black, but hey, edward is AMAZING!!
and the poem does fit with my prompt very well! thank you for entering!! -
I love this and thats what I really think! My best friend Chelsea loves this too. She hated the ending of eclipse because she says werewolf's never get a happy ending. right now that's also what I think!
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ok, well i don't know what story or character you're referring to, but all the same i liked how this read.
It had good emotion throughout, and told a story of heartbreak well.
Good write, thanks for entering.
Sunny
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This is a pretty good peice. I really like how you wrote it... you really expressed yourself pretty well here. keep up your good work. Best ofl uck in the open contests.
Crimsonviper -
Wow! A fantastic write showing Jacob's side. I love your lines "but it was not he who left it... it was her." I can see Jacob saying that. Great write, and thank you for sharing this with us.
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free verse isnnt really my thing but this was gorgeous.
I love the imagery it held me the second I started reading...great job and keep writing -
wow... beautiful!!! I love it! [I also love Twilight so brownie points] lol. But you were right, it fits well with most love stories... sad but true. Love is a battlefield, and you found a new way to bring that across.
Great job and best of luck in the contest! -
ahh
omg i knew it was frm twilight!!! ahhh i love that book. amazing. good write -
I really like this write. It is beautiful
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I honestly love Twilight, and Jacob is one of my favorites! I like your use of the battlefield matephor, and the flow of the story. It was a bit awkward in the way that the line ryhtm wasn't consistant, but overall, I really liked this poem. Thanks for entering my contest!
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okay well I am not familiar with your original prompt for writing this, but on another note you managed to take a cliche idea and transform to have new meaning and be interesting. "Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for" This is beautiful, and so very true. I feel like this would be a quote that in future years people will live by and quote as yours. -
This is a good write, though I find it slightly lacking.
Jacob Black? and Ella?
Well, that's a great prompt XD -
Wonderful use of imagery. The flow and construction was excellent. It provided for interesting personal perspective. Thanks for the great read.
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I absolutely love the Twilight series & at times, I feel for Jacob too.
Nice use of metaphors
However, I would have to remove your entry; no pre-writes are allowed for this option.
But thanks
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"Love is a battlefield,
be careful who you fight with,
and be careful who you fight for."
so very true. an admirable poem.
thanks for entering. -
Interesting commentary on relationships and the search for one. I felt your pain with this write, well done. In your ninth line did you mean: "for I was still forced to retreat"? Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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excellent
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You said a lot quite well here. you structered it quite well as well. Thanks so much for entering. Best ouf luck to you
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I loved the repetition in this and the structure was interesting
thanks for entering and good luck -
it was awesome. and i can see how it's can be form a relationship and Jacobs point of view. i loved it.
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war of love... what a tragic thing indeed...
loved the poem, it captured the white flag of my heart. keep up the good work -
I am a twihard fan... so this definitly appeals to me...
the only thing that kind of makes me double check.. is the fact that you have entered SOOO many contests....
and you did not follow the rules for mine...
Fantastic poem though, I would love to be able to judge it fairly in my contest... -
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Sorry, I forgot about that. I fixed it, if it's not too late.
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you are missing key things in your authors notes...
i am judging this tomorrow night.. can you please correct this?
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AAAH I LOVE ECLIPSE!!! DEF PROPS!!!!
I love it!
best of luck -
defiantly loved this poem! and all 3 books! a really wonderful write and good luck in all of your contests! also.. Love is a Battlefield=great song
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Love is a battlefield one of my favorite songs ever made! because it's so true! amazing poem! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
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...comment later
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Wow. I like the story you told with this one! I personally have never read "Eclipse" or "New Moon" or "Twilight" for that matter, but the story told in this poem is really great! I like how you used Pat Benatar's idea of "Love is a Battlefield" and then you expanded on that and related it to your title - I really liked the whole last part of the poem. The story is a little confusing to me because of all the "he's", "she's" and "I's" that are used, but overall it's really great (plus that could just be because I haven't read the books). Great job and good luck in the contest!
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Holy biscuit, Missa! You entered a lot of contests with this one! XD Good luck in all those!
But anyway, I really like this poem! It's a great poem from Jake's POV. It was a bit weird reading it like this, because most people captilize the first letter in each line, even if it doesn't begin a new sentence, but i don't believe it's a requirement and it's always nice to develop your own style.
And good job with the punctuation. When I first started out I didn't use punctuation in my poems and I still have a bit of trouble figuring out where to put it to make the flow right. But I think you did a great job!
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I like the idea here and it does fit well with the book.
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I think when you said har in line 8 you ment hard. Other than that, I absolutly loved it. It made me smile cause it is the truth with ever scar comes a story to be told. Also as you said, watch out who you do fight for. I wish you the best of luck in this contest.
Beautifuldisasterxx -
this definitely goes along with the boook quite nicely... I am glad that i changed your view on jake a little bit, because he really is sort of innocent to look at.
:\ but this was a heartfelt poem, and
good luck. -
Impressive. I like the Pat Benetar song reference as well. (Love is a Battlefield.) Good luck in the contest.
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This Is a Very good Poem And Love Is One Of The Most complicated Things
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1 - 98 of 98
