His open eyes are like veins
waiting for needles on screen,
thirsting for relief from pain
he sips from his dirty canteen.
Image of flesh that’s unknown
pulls tight on tourniquets tied,
promises made are postponed
by pixel cast demons inside.
Heinous urges that won’t blink
devoured by poisonous sight,
narcissistic love finds a link
blazing secrets beg to ignite.
Disgusted by his digestion
within a tangled web he’s caught,
ignoring internal questions
virtual truth remains unsought.
Domestic dreams exchanged for
moments alone with lies,
insatiable, he needs more
a hunger he can't disguise.
Ringing bells turn to silence
lonely digital despair,
honesty bleeds pure violence
he is broken beyond repair.
Consumed by an illusion
overdosed in cyberspace,
impotence bares conclusion
like his hard drive, his soul was erased.
Author notes
**I know I am 3 lines over the 25 line limit, but I was hoping you might let that slide....
POW theme: Internet porn addiction
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
750 points, ended April 7, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF - Two 4 One Prewrites by apoeticinjustice.
1240 points, ended May 2, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Very Best!!!!!--contestant vote by TabbyJoy.
600 points, ended May 8, 42 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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oh wow ... i can see why this has won so many trophies [and congrats on getting poet of the week!] - its so sad, you really feel for the guy involved, that this is the best he can get - or the closest he can come to intimacy and yet there's a small part of you left feeling a little - i don't know, disgusted that this is what he's doing with much of his life? im not sure on that one feeling. bravo
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This was a great piece. Very well penned. It reminds me of one of my poems "The Key Strokes Can Hear Him Slowly Dying"
You have use your words well to speak of something that can take hold of one's life and destroy it
. Rewarded 4
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You've got some great lines here lady. Congrats on all the bling bling!
"Domestic dreams exchanged for
moments alone with lies,
insatiable, he needs more
a hunger he can't disguise."
This passage sums it up really well for me. I like your style!
Much Love ♥
Renee
. Rewarded 6
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I can see how this has won so many awards. It deserves too. Great write
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Awesome write with power packed punches throughout. Great rhyme and flow, awesome language and arrangement of words.
. Rewarded 4
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Nice write. Congrats on the well deserved trophies for this piece.
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gold
this was great! definitely deserving of the gold. nicely done.
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WOW!! This is a pretty powerful write!!! I don't even know how to describe how good I think this is!!! You did a really really excellent job writing this!!! Every word detail and stanza is perfect and you can feel the emotion!!!! Fabulous write!!! Love it!!!
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very enjoyable....
"Heinous urges that won’t blink devoured by poisonous sight,"... this part was very well written i liked this pome alot... it made me very sad but at the same time it made me feel like it was expressing the people who just do as they are told and are blinded by what people make them belive.. i liked this alot i dont know if that is the message that you were trying to get across but that is what i pulled from it in enjoyed it great write..
. Rewarded 8
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Domestic dreams exchanged for
moments alone with lies,
insatiable, he needs more
a hunger he can't disguise.
this is by far my favourite verse, i thoink this poem is very well written and i can see why you have got these trophies, really well done. i love the flow of this poem and how well it reads and i hope you continue to write with such brilliant talent, well done i mean it. -
I think the topic is excellent and one that is not written about often enough. The methaphors were good, but the piece seemed to loose its flow in places; its beat. This is probably because of trying to carry the rhyme.
. Rewarded 4
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Yummy.
Your diction in this piece contributes wonderfully to the overall feel of the poem. This piece is brilliantly written. It shows both intelligence and wit. I enjoyed it greatly. I don't think this poem can get too much attention this subject is something that needs to be more often discussed. Perhaps you need some stardom...hmmmm....
Yink
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www.BLINK.com
A veryg ood write--it flows ver well--the internet trap.
bw
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that was brilliant, although it is so intense and can disguist the reader of what he does, it offers insight to what its like to be him. i actually feel pity to be honest
i LOVE the last line, excellent comparison, it makes him almost robotic -
You told that tale extremely well, Excellent visual images. It kept me reading enraptured till the end.
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whoa - powerful. I like: "Disgusted by his digestion" followed by "ignoring internal questions" - clever.
but the first two lines are my favorites because they sum up this "addiction" so completely. this sort of problem is eating up the hours of many a man.
this piece conquered a complex topic but also captured the humaness (if that is a word) of the addict. leaves you feeling sorry for him - for what he has given up. vivid - NANGALEEMA
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Again, another more unique topic then I usually see and a brilliant take on it. You really have a wonderful way with expression through the use of words and the rhythm/flow/rhyme of this piece is great! These are some of the things in society that drive me crazy but I can't come to express my views like this, maybe I'll learn someday
Excellent!
♥
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Wow, this is an intense write. It reminds me of my ex a little...
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what a coincidence...
it reminds me of MY ex ALOT.....LMAO.
Thanks for the read & comment.
Jamie
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Wow... I liked all of the computer references that were sprinkled into the stanzas. You did some very clever wordplay and banter. My favorite was line line about pixel demons.... it certainly had me thinking. well done!
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interesting piece.
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Where to start... this poem is fabulous. beginnning to end.
This addiction stands in shame before the light of truth.
The usual pointts of rhyme and flow are covered with flair, nothing forced.
My favorite part in the first stanza, as it grabs the reader by the pixels:
His open eyes are like veins
waiting for needles on screen,
thirsting for relief from pain
he sips from his dirty canteen.
Porn being like a heroin is clearly and honestly shown. I never want to be that guy.
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What could I possibly say that hasn't already been said either in comments or by the multitude of trophys this poem has won you?! I will simply leave a word: Perfect.
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Wow, a powerful write indeed. And look at all those shinies! Well deserved. I love the metaphor here, and the strength of your words is potent. A slap in the face for some, no doubt. Courageous write.
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Very nice, I was hoping it would be a chick's porn addiction- I guess y'all don't have those lol. Way to work in computor terminology it's a very creative piece.
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well not to let you down...I TOTALLY have a female sex-addiction one called "the Beast" lol (seriously, I do)
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While the entire art is flawless and brilliantly profound, I was struck most by the fifth verse (Domestic dreams exchanged for...). If you think of this, it's true on a cataclysmic level (to modern societies). With a runaway focus on sex, this world in it's Age of Information is barreling downhill in social decline. We seek instant and effortless gratification, let challenges fall away from us, and generally treat relationships with a "fast food attitude". Attractive people are found online in many forms, and they are showing their bods five times over for every regular site. I have a married friend who sends me letters with interesting subjects, but with a porn link in the body (disguising it from his wife's eye, no doubt). Are we (men) augmenting our sex lives, or replacing them? Will pretty or wild, or pretty wild, women cash in on every man's lust? Does any relationship have a chance against such an insidious and subtle distraction..?
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Thanks for such a meaningful comment....
Green Manalishi .....
I truly appreciate your comment...I did not write this because it was seedy, about porn and I thought that would be enough to get people to read it (although all that is true as well, lol) ....this is a subject that hits home for me as I have witnessed the destruction of marriage (and hearts) by way of this extremely RAPID growing addiction.
Sincere thanks for your thought provoking comment.
Jamie
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wow you got talent
this is great .. i loved every line .. um... i'm going to go clean up my internet tracks now lol
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Very deep thoughts
The imagery used here was very dark but, vivid.
Your rhyming was not forced and used words seldom used. Great job & much deserving of all that shines
~Ron~
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Wonderful write Jamie....interesting subject matter, and what an impressive score from the bear.....agree with what has already been said, love your rhyme and flow ...
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Jamie this is just a poem that makes one angry on such a problem in this world when it comes to internet porn. I commend you for taking a stand againt it. Thanks so much for writing and expressing your feelings.
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holy cow! this is good. excellent rhyme and killer last line.
cyberspace/internet is a tough subject for me to write about and you've made it seem so easy
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exceptional writing. A tough topic to tackle, yet you did so with amazing clarity and creativity. Very well done.
Rory
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You deserved the gold in this one Jamie! Good write with this! YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST!!
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Great poem. Good luck in the contest
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Immaculately written poem, rhythm and rhymes keep it flowing along, the subject matter so harsh but tackled with truth to leave it squirming in full sight. Very well done. No compassion shown for these victims, though, I do feel for them, to be trapped away from real life.
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mmm a little taboo with the subject... just what i like to see this was good and well worthy of the gold that i see on this page
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So smoothly written! I didn't even notice the rhyme at first. A sure sign that it's great! Sadly the subject is something that is becoming quite common. People looking for something they are missing and don't realize they can never find it there. Sad but well stated here.
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Beautifully written piece in terms of pacing, storytelling, word use and grammar. Tells a good and unusual tale (in the sense it is subject matter barely ever touched) very well.
Good write.
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Such good writing, unbelievable.
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This is REALLY good. I thought I knew what you were talking about and I was confirmed by your authors notes. I really admire you tackling such a controversial topic in such an honest way. A lot of people today seem to say internet porn is no big deal and it doesn't hurt anyone, yet it tears apart marriages every day! It's such a sad and disgusting industry. Good luck in the competition! You definately deserve to medal!
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Well deserved gold.
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Nicely done
This is quite different than what I am used to seeing you pen. I like it...bunches. It has a weaving effect with the way it is worded and rols nicely off the tongue. Big props!
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I love your work!!
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wow..this is amazing! Great imagery and story line..kept me riveted all the way through to the last line, which was golden. Good luck in the contest.
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Although I’ve seen this theme done before, you’ve brought a wonderful freshness to it. I absolutely love your first stanza. It has imagery, impact, and power, all of which are especially important at the beginning and endings of poems because we remember those most...and no doubt your poem will stay in my mind for a long time for those reasons.
There are just a couple of things I’m wondering about...firstly, why the change in the rhyme scheme in stanza 5? And secondly, throughout the poem you have a comma at the end of the 2nd line in each stanza, yet the following line begins with a capped letter, as if it’s supposed to be a new sentence. I found it a bit confusing and it broke the flow for me a little.
Wonderful metaphors and a great title round this out perfectly. Sadly, I know a couple of men who have become addicted to internet and porn in general. Seeing the destruction it’s caused in their relationships and just to them in general is a tough thing to swallow. I think you’ve done a fantastic job of bringing that point home. Well done, poet!
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Thanks for catching that 5th stanza thing....although I would have preferred the catch if you werent one of the judges, lol....dang it, its killing me that I cant edit it yet!
The change in ryhme was 100% accidental during the editing process....the first line should read "Domestic dreams exhanged for"....during editing I accidentally dropped the for to the beginning of next line. And the capped letter following the comas...yikes, my bad! Thank you so much for this, once this contest os over I can clean this up nice and good. Your kind comments are much appreciated. Thanks again! Jamie -
Great catch on the commas Julie......
.....as I was so caught up in the write, rhyme, etc, I did not even notice them ~
Bear ~
Oh.....hi Sweety!!
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Hi Jamie :)
A Theme only done once here in the PO' contests I believe.......however, this one is penned with Lasting Impression and Impact.....and that is how you score highly....from me :)
OK....let me start by saying.....an incredible write with so much to offer the brain.....insight to see your views....and depth to bring your Readers into your world of vision....loved it, loved it, loved it :)
Each line, from beginning to end, has Power and draws me closer to my monitor waiting for the next.......each stanza is packed full of clever story-telling.....and topping it off with sensational rhyme.....some of the best I have ever read.....not elementary, and done so with wise grammatical choices ~
This is the way you win a contest, and having read yours first is going to make this a *make it or break it* challenge for every Poet after you :)
Well done Jamie....I tried to pick a fav stanza or line, and I could not, as they are all fabulosoe!
I'm not even sure I can critique your punctuation, since you have already given it the eagle-eye editing needed for perfection I do believe :)
Of course, your other Judge, Julie, is a sure-fire to catch what I miss....hehe....but seriously, a fine job ~
Let's get it on my scoreboard!
....good luck to you and your entry,
Bear ~
Title 10...perfect ~
Flow 9.9
Depth 10
Theme 9.95
Feelings 9.85
Grammar 10....some of the best rhyme I have seen ~
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 9.75
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.9
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 99.35
Excellent job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
:)
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Wow!!! I love this theme, which is rather unusual in my opinion, and your take on this poem is very unique. First of all, I'm not always captured by rhyme schemes, but yours is very good! Congratulations! That is not always a easy feat to accomplish. Secondly, I love your use of language that you used so effectively to weave into the poem to draw our attention to your theme, and understand what you were writing about...Very clever! I think this is something that isn't always easy to help us know how the person is feeling, but you have really drawn me in, and made me understand the pain of this individual and how he needs change! Truly wonderful! Thanks for your entry!
My Scores:
Rules: 10
Theme: 10
Title: 10
Language Use: 10
Rhyme: 10
Ponder Factor: 10
Imagery: 10
Spelling/grammar: 10
Imagination: 10
Depth: 9
Total Scores: 99
I think this is the highest I have ever scored a poem in my brief sojourn here as poetry judge! Congratulations! Truly well done! Joy Remember, once a judge has touched your poem, no editing please!
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This was excellent!
A glorious piece...
A refreshing idea, very unique...
Best of prayers for you in this contest...
You are already a winner in my book...
~ James ~
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Great title, fits well. Well worded, reads nicely and I think a unique theme. You should do well with this.
best wishes in the contest. -
intelligently created, and fine sifted...although im wishing the pictures of me arent posted...you think someones addicted?
lol
good write, and the best of luck to you in the compo -
This is very interesting, porn adiction in space
needles porvoking the eyes, images feeding the face
first time I read through, saw drugs for the brain
thats when I clued into, thats porn just the same...
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Incredible!
You did an excellent job of weaving the story of a internet porn addiction...and with great rhyme as well.
Bravo!
Becky
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Standing Ovation!
This is tremendous! Out of box and onto screen about the screen. Excellence!
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There it is...PROOF! that you are more talented than I am... lol I couldn't resist either What a cool topic to write about...I don't think I've read anything quite like this before here, and of course, you nailed it. If you don't get gold, I know a guy named Mario who can fix Arkbear's kneecaps (j/k Ark) Love, Lane
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I knew you had my back sister!
lol...you are too funny! We are gonna have to call a truce again on the talent thing...I can see we are both equally insistant on getting that last word in....Thank you for your kind comment. And whos this Mario guy? I thought I was toughest person you know? THANKS AGAIN!! It means alot.
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This is VERY well done!! Seriously My Lord Girl... I really like this.. not only because it completely flows flawlessly, but its definitely different from anything I've read in a very long time!
You did very well!!! So Good Luck in the contest!!
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Okay....seriously....I read this and said...
How can I top that? This has a couple typos...can't...
check it again...then welll...prepare to win! This in
my opion is one of the best poems I've read in a long
time! You really say a lot, well done!
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on and on...
*PEACE*
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Thank you!
Thanks so much, that means lot coming from someone so talented and THANK YOU for alerting me to my typos, lol.....I think I got them but im not sure! Punctuation kills me everytime in these contests!! So if you see anymore PLEASE HELP!!! lol Thanks again.
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Heheh. Nice. I've always liked meshing the computer and the human world together. You do it well here. Words like "tourniquets" also show intelligent design. And your near block format attractive to view. Marvelous work here!
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WOW.....Very well done!!! A touchy subject that you covered well.....Best of luck
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