I climbed up on a mountain
searching for my Zen
I took a little vodka
I brought a little gin
The ground was steep and shaky
and the air was hard to draw
so I had a nip of brandy
(it was hidden in my bra)
I guzzled as I walked along
the lightly littered ground
Sambuca, rum and Grand Marnier
till I was almost drowned
I followed the trail for hours
till I finally hit the top
that called for celebration
So I made the champagne pop
I found a place to sit
upon a craggy rock
I waited for my Zen to show
shared tequila with a hawk
I drank near fifteen bottles
Before I knew it was not there
Cause I didn’t bring it with me
and it’s not made of thin air
And I knew I’d never find it
in the bottom of a glass
but it didn’t seem important
Cause I was drunk off of my ass.
Patricia Gibson-Little
November 21, 2003
Author notes
I wrote this for a contest but I never got to enter... The challange was to write a poem based on one of several quotes. This one was about how you "never find your zen on a mountain top unless you took it with you"
Written November 9th, 2003
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1 - 7 of 7
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This was not one of my better poems, but it was fun to write. Thankfully I'm not really much of a drinker, I don't mind a light buzz but getting drunk (I've only done it twice) makes me ill. Very ill! Thank you for commenting on my work. Patti
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very good
This was fun to read. Having spent many years living in bottles I can happily say the view is much nicer from the outside.
thanks,
John -
This was just hilarious. I nearly fell off my chair. But it was tinged with a touch of sadness. Maybe it's just me. Great work though. Too bad it wasn't entered into the contest.
~ Willow ~ -
First off - I like it just the way you wrote it. Here's the changes I would make if it was mine, which it isn't.
1st stanza -
... I took a sip of vodka
then I took a sip again.
5th stanza -
I found a place to sit
as I tired from my walk.
2nd stanza -
...and the air too hard to draw
Well, enough of that crap, back to YOUR work. There is no poem ever written that couldn't be slightly changed a thousand different ways. Your poem has a nice flow and it's really funny. If you think it could be better, don't hesitate to make changes. If you like the way it is, leave it and be proud of what you wrote. Thanks for your comments Patti.
John -
Truthfull
Great poem. loved the rhyme and flow of the poem... it was amusing and it actually made me think about what i was drinking last night during and after the superbowl lol. MY only critique would be on this verse
I drank near fifteen bottles
Before I knew it was not there
Cause I didn’t bring it with me
and it’s not made of thin air
It just doesnt flow as well as the rest of the poem. I like what it was saying but had a hard time reading it fluently... just didnt seem to fit. Maby try to shorten the lines or something.
Keep writing
Pierce R -
I thought this was very good, two small points though, in the second verse you should take out WAS and in the 5th verse it slightly lost it's flow because Rock came to near to pop in the previous verse and messed up the rhyme to go with hawk, other than that I really liked it and loved the funny ending, which ends very simular to my poem Mr Billings lol good luck in the contest
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absolutely hilarious
This was fantastic! Darn, sure wish you'd made it into the contest. I love it. One little thingy though...I think you mean "Grand Marnier" (pronounced grand marnYaY...)but don't matter 'cause it's not a rhyme line and the syllables are same...just thought you might like to know. This was absolutely wonderful...funny, great rhyme and meter, and funny...oh,yeah...I said that already. Well, it's important enough to deserve to be said twice. Thanks for sharing this hilarious poem. 
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