Dark shadows dance upon the walls as I lay in this depressing hell
a cold chill runs up my spine as you cast your tantelizing spell
each word you speak is so well planned and spoken with such care
you've given me the chance to make every day a submissive affair
your crimson lips curl into an almost evil smile as I passively obey
just what you'd expect from a mindless fool I buckle and do as you say
time's passed and you showed how you care with every scrape, bruise, and stitch
for you have made me see the pleasures of pain, and I'm glad to be your bitch
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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you're crazy and i like it,
anyways, i didnt know you wrote adult stuff OmG
and you're so good at it
keep up the great thoughts and writing,
~Amy
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i quite like it lol
at the end tho it kinda loses a lil bit of flow and its tempo or "beat" if u can call it that kinda dies hahaha
nice tho
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Hmmm. well very nice. "im glad to be your bitch" lol nice line.
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I couldv'e written this I swear !
You rock!
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yay!
I didn't know you was like me THAT way
I liked it and I thought it was nice but I don't feel like making an analitical comment so stuff it.
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i don't like the ending part...it's a vulgar word...
the overall piece is wicked though... -
aha.
I love it.
Its perfect.
It may be short,
But its filled with so much...
"Times passed and you showed how you care with every scrape, bruise, and stitch."
Favorite line out of all of it. because it shows the love side of the poem through the 'how you care'. So it lets readers know its not entirely pleasure. If you get me.
Anyway, great write.
P.S. (i agree with Rena, very sexy)
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ahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!! I so love this write!!!! fuckin awesome!
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this thing is very beautiful and it's meaning is very good heeh lol
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Dusty you can't post nudity on here not even if it's done in a tasteful matter...
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you never comment my work
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I don't read too much anymore eggy! if you want me to comment anything, let me know
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Its good dusty. I really like the way you have twisted the erotic and sensual vibes of this poem togeather. While I may not really like erotic poetry this one is good.
If I may make sudjestions though. The flow seems a little broken somehow. Maybe to many syllables? Other than that I didn't notice anything else. The rhyme is great so all in all I think its a really good poem.
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OMG
sexy sexy sexy !!
"pleasures of pain" very nice
seriously wickedly erotic, a very enticing write and still in good taste
good job with this
~.♥. Rena .♥.~
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