the pictures spin inside my head
the memories i wish were dead
the pain inside me while he grins
round and round and round it spins
he said he loved me, said to stay
but he loved me in a different way
under the covers slowly he creeps
while i pretend i'm still asleep
his hot breath runs straight down my neck
and a bulge i feel against my back
the flickering flame in his hollow eyes
the cold hard touch between my thighs
i lay in bed at night and think
while slowly, slowly longer i blink
now asleep to relive the theme
the sick fantasy, my uncle's dream
wondering how to stop the pain
that cuts through me and brings so much shame
I live my life in a hollow cave
full of the darkness my uncle gave
He took away innocence and trust
Because of his sick unfeeling lust
He took everything that cold dark night
The second he said that he was right
don’t look at me, you see I’m hurt
By that flame in his eyes I've been burnt
don’t look at me, not in the eyes
Because you see that’s where it hides
Author notes
"it's where she lies, broken inside"
- Used and Abused group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Pain/Hurt/Life scars. Release your pain to me by LanguishedLad.
450 points, ended April 24, 2008, 55 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'll never tell... by xxRainbowDawnxx.
525 points, ended July 7, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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a wonderfully written poem about a horrible subject abuse! It is something that should be shared more... family members abuse just as much if not more than strangers. I think it is because we least expect it from someone we know... and then when it happens we are devastated even more.
Never forget what has happened to you... never forgive... I know I can never forgive my abuse... but don't let what happened to you destroy you. Learn to understand that you were a child what happened to you was not your fault... you did not ask for it... you did not want it... it was the adults fault. He should pay for his crimes not you.
Grow... learn to love again... trust again... don't let what this "uncle" did to you... destroy you! You are better than he. Don't let him win. You deserve better than that! -
Touching, moving, very sad and made me feel so angry. A good write. Plenty enough emotion
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This is real sad. Such an aweful thing to happen to somebody and expressed so so well. You've really done an amazing job here. So much imagery and the descriptions were amazing. Best wishes for the future. xoxo Well done on the amazing write.
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Awesome job! I really felt the emotion behind this piece! An A+ job! Keep up the awesome work adn thanks so much for the share! I really am looking forward to reading more of your work....which I probably have already............ I read a lot of stuff on here and try to comment on everyones....Sorry for my mindless ramblings.............HAHA!!!!!
Again.....Thanks so much for the brilliant write and share! Good luck with future writes....but judging from this, you don't really need much luck!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~Heroesrox~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* -
Truly amazing. I have tears in my eyes and goosebumps on my skin! This poem is so sad. I am so sorry you had to go through so much hurt, heart ache and pain at the hands of someone so evil. I can relate to your pain so well.
don’t look at me, you see I’m hurt
By that flame in his eyes I've been burnt
don’t look at me, not in the eyes
Because you see that’s where it hides
These are my favourite lines of this poem. I can relate to this so well. Your word choice is just impecible. Thank you for entering my contest i am truly honoured and if you ever need to talk to someone who understands i am here x -
great!!!
Great!!! a spectacular work of art. it's no wonder that you won bronze AND silver trophies for the piece keep up the good work and write some more poetry
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i tensed up just reading this. you conveyed the impact of the experience really well, and it definitely made me think 'that's scik!' more than once. a REALLY effective line for me was "but he loved me in a different way," although i can't tell you why specifically. i do think the line "and a bulge i feel press against my back" sounds a liitle awkward- if you could reword it that would be cool
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this is absolutely amazing. you've completely captured the humiliation and the shame that comes along with this situation. i love the last 2 stanzas. very powerful ending.
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It's a beautiful poem. It makes you feel the hurt and pain. The uncle is portrayed as sick, and it makes the reader feel used. I think that you could change the line "while slowly, slowly longer i blink." That's a bit confusing. In the line "that cuts through me and brings so much shame," I think there are just too many syllables there. Perhaps you could change it to soemthing along the lines of "it cuts through me, it brings shame." It matches the rest of the poem, makes your point, but at the same time doesn't throw off the rhythm, and I like the rhythm.It's a good poem, but just needs a few minor changes here and there. Take a look at the last couple of stanza's and just make sure that it doesn't throw off the rhythm. I think you're golden after an edit or two.
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Depressing.. But brilliantly written. Most sad poems at least slightly lose their sense of gloominess if they are rhyming, but with yours it seemed to actually add to the misery.. that takes quite a lot of talent (in my opinion anyway).
The rhyming was also very natural; it maintained a strong rhythm and did not at all seem forced.
The story was very well told and made me angry and upset all at the same time.. Great job.
This poem suited very well to the quote, particularly the last 2 lines (which are quite powerful too).
Thanks for entering and best of luck
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I'm ever so sorry that you know how that feels, I truly am. My ex partners uncle touched him up and he's become somewhat a paedophile now and a bitter man, though towards females... If you don't get ther ight help... But anyway, these sick people really anger me. It makes me want to cry. Always here if you need to talk about it at any point.
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okay, this first of all was a very well written poem, it flows very well and overall is great. One thing, capitalize your I's
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"under the covers slowly he creeps while i pretend i'm still asleep." I like this line because I can relate to it. All in all, this is really good and worth the trophy.
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I agree the biggest pain is disbelief. And also the biggest pain is telling and having the person you told be careless about it.
To go through that kind of abuse is horrible. It sets your feet on a path that you never wanted to have. I commend your strength in being able to write this.
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OMG ~~~ This is so sad.
I hate to read stories like your, it makes me so
mad that people do these kinds of things others.
I can relate to everything you wrote about in this piece. I wrote a poem abot pretty much the same thing as your poem. Some people are just so damn sick. I pray that you are ok, and I hope with all my heart that you tell someone about what your uncle has done.
Try to get help, it really will make you feel better. Don't worry about what anyone will think, you just do what is best for your self. I wish you all the best and if you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to IM me at any time.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
good luck in my contest. -
Wow... this really grabs at the heart.
You told this story with quality poetry; it makes the reader pay attention.
This kind of bravery takes one's life back.
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If I was to ever write a poem about what happened to me this is EXACTLY how it would be written. It's a perfect poem for what happened to me also...I'm glad I came accross it!!
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wow Katie. full of emotion. thanx for sharing this piece with us. this was very well written. and i'm sorry u had to go thru that.
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great write i loved this one it was so strong and full of emotion keep up the awesome work i wish you the best of luck in my contest.
*~*bee*~* -
I like that alot, it flows nicely and makes you angry for what is happeneing but saddened for her
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