Sex by Brokenpoetry123 at All poetry

Sex

Supposed to be a show of emotion

Not just a physical ride

Telling me how much I am

With one intricate moan

Sweep me away

Into the tide I go

In this ocean of pleasure

All I want to do is drown

Seduction

You trick me to your bed

With hopes of heart felt kiss

And a way to heat the cold

The end

After the event you left me to lye

Taking away the flame

As a snake slithers, you walk away

All heart felt kisses and true felt wishes

Disappear

I am every woman you broke

Colder with each stroke

Promises of erotica

Just a hoax

Lust

What makes this dance

Where's the love, romance

Why do I let you rob me time again

Blackened

Love is broken

Romance is dead

Author notes

I've never really written anything specifically along these lines, so please tell me what you think. I have a certain message I want to send out with this one, but I want you to get some kind of message for yourself.
Don't hold back with the comments,
Chloe Danielle

A contest entry

TwIsTeD by InMyFlames. 650 points, ended October 28, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Noir mariposa...x
October 22, 2008

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Love is broken

Romance is dead

Wow. Powerful ending.
I'm still not sure how you got this from the prompt but wow, well done
very nicely written!
I wish you luck!

Claire x
InMyFlames
September 29, 2008
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very plain title.. any chance of being more creative it will encourage more ppl to read it, not criticism just a suggestion

"The end
After the event you left me to lye
Taking away the flame
As a snake slithers, you walk away
All heart felt kisses and true felt wishes"

i LOVE the ending
"
Love is broken

Romance is dead"
Avendesora Dreamer
June 11, 2008
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sounds like a guy i know...gorgeous and promising...but the outside covers a cold ugly inside...as i read it again, i begin to see something else too...this not just about a person, its about a thing...lust...and how the false promises contained within it can destroy somehones heart and soul...sad and well written..thanks for sharing!
Climbing2nothing
June 11, 2008
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soo beautifully sad this write, fills me with sickened feelings and memories of many journey's of my love burned... the words are very well chosen yet i thought the style of leaving the stanza titles separate should of been throughout the whole as it would punctuate brilliantly,

anyheys well done
w apple crumble
-jas
Creatress
June 11, 2008
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I absolutely loved this. so well crafted and honest and true! I felt like you really captured your message in this poem. You could just feel the dissatisfaction, the scorn. Love is broken, romance is dead.

Wonderfully done, throughly enjoyed.
Bravo,
creatress
loving.a.soldier
June 9, 2008

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you did a good job with this. i agree with the comment below me...the message is lust has replaced love. it seems to me that most people are just having sex for fun. or just for their own personal pleasure. there is no love behind it. but most people don't understand the meaning of love anyways. so good job with this...really keep it up!

The One and Only...

~Lynn Jones
anon053641
June 9, 2008

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the message i get with this is that perhaps the romantic ideals tied up with love and romance and sex have been forgotten. Sex has become an activity asside from anything else. Lust has replaced love. Etc etc...

While i don't really think it's true for everyone...i certainly know a lot of people that i would say it applies to.

It's pretty well written and i think it get's the message across.

well done
Brokenpoetry123
April 9, 2008
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Yeah, clearly no impression has been made.