Longing for the stability,
of the pylons of my past.
That lead me to this place,
where I reach out for the doorknob,
hesitation in my grasp.
Images of faded love,
like smoke-rings on the air.
I wonder how long I can ignore your voice,
like a fog-horn in the distance.
Yet time and time and time again,
I seem to ricochet back into your arms.
Hold me close don't question this.
Our love, it transcends time and space.
Author notes
This is the first word bank I have attempted, it was challenging to me. I just hope I did it justice.
A contest entry
- all poets love to roll words around in their mouth ~take 2~ by Star of Atlantis.
600 points, ended April 30, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Marcy......I think that this is beautiful and I do believe that you have stretched your talents into a new direction!!! I love the fact that you took these words and made them into your own and I do believe that you did them more than justice!!! Very well done especially in leiu of the fact that you fought this idea of a word bank just not being your thing!!! Best of luck my lovely friend
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i like many things about your poem, including that the flow is very beat orented. the ryhming works... often that is forced but not in your poem so that is a good thing. i like that in your poem the pylons are a strength and something that connects you to the situation that is the breath of this poem, the past. i like the part of the poem that sounds like a conversation with yourself. the like that says i wonder how long i can ignore your voice. however the line that follows that is a bit weak as per the in the distance part of it... i think it would be more inpactful if changed in one of these ways... drop off the in the distance as per its a common cleshay used with fog horns, as if we never hear them close up... that is not true of course we often do. and they are louder than you can possibly know. or perhaps change it to in my mind... that could sugest that the call to go back is loud and strong and something might need to be restrained here... in my heart or in my soul would work too but i think mind is better only because the heart is usually stronger than the mind which has to puzzle over everything and have conflicts to feel its doing anything of value. since the line preceeding it is a conversation of the mind to the self the mind is a logical place to take the fog horn in the next line.
I seem to ricochet back into your arms.
this line is so sexual it makes me blush and think of the partners who i have a hard time keeping my hands off of even in places where we cant do that kind of thing. so of course me being a scorp i love this and how it pushes the boundries. this line i think is my fave of the poem because it sounds a lot like something i would say in a breathless moment. something sinful and lusting... and so much fun
the begining doesnt match the end... the begining is reget the end is perfect. this makes me wonder if the voice has a delusion in their mind of it still being as it was when it was perfect... this could be that the mind won out in the line that says how long can i... otherwise the voice has run back and the warnings the line implies were heedless... this is something to think of. of course i wouldnt change the ending as per i like to think abut poems and how they wrap themselves up in my mind and let me unravle them. good luck in my contest and thankyou for entering. -
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if this is one of your tag a longs thank you this rocked and i am glad they are listening to you ... you must be a good perswader
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I don't persuade I down right bully!! But she needed it and I am glad that she took my threat to heart cause I agree that this rocked!!! Gave the reader much to ponder on!!!!
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