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Stroke me softly

ink-blots make perfect sense

tucked into folded corners

meeting at blank ends

along strange avenues of

silence screaming to be heard

 

in a bitter biting wind

thoughts are born

on bended knees, blending colors

- silence breached from hesitation

 

calm side-swiped me yesterday

as I played with words

shaped from soft notes of quietness

while time unraveled itself

in a blue breeze

 

rusted chains are attached to

the curl in my spine

keeping me tethered to earth

in a mass of things hidden

deeper than skin

 

between white lines of wisdom

half thought out words form

behind magical eyes,

an illustration of poetic proportion

miming innuendoes of consonants

in a natural moment

- one stroke at a time

 

 

4/3/08 

Author notes

Prompt: what happens in the white spaces
show me your silence

Suggestions are always welcome as well as encouraged.

A contest entry

rewarding for comments-read between the lines...

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Dienush
    April 17, 2008

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    I like both how this is written and your take on the prompt. It is a creative, vivid piece, and the alliterations are nicely done. thank you for your entry.

    ~Diana


  • Jersene gold member
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love how your words weave through the silence...the ending is perfect!

  • AliceInTheRealWorld
    April 10, 2008

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    True

    This is a very beautiful poem, I love the flow and I had a few favorite lines, which is saying allot as it's a small poem. I loved "rusted chains are attached to

    the curl in my spine

    keeping me tethered to earth"

    It was great use of a metaphor, and relation can be found to the lines.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    April 5, 2008

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    Becs, your imagery is so lush and psycho-delic, i feel i've taken a swim inside your head..it was slightly scary, hehe..I doubt there there are many white spaces left..too many rainbows


  • aliceramone
    April 4, 2008

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    excellent piece with great imagery...perfect for the prompt and the last stanza is masterful...bravo!


  • sheltered
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Have you talked with your therapist lately?

    Love the way your conscenance
    encaplulates your silence
    in soft, screaming out
    to be heard, whispers.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Enjoyed reading this immensely, so much so that I read it twice through. There is a sense of self searching self within the metaphor and though the thoughts are busy there is a sense of quietude. Perhaps unravels could be unravelled as it alludes to yesterday and past tense but that is only a thought and not a criticism in any way shape or form. Again for me it's the penultimate stanza that stands out and it could stand alone. Especially liked " in a mass of things hidden deeper than skin" oh my, that is deep, also mass could hold a subtle reference to a religious connotation though I don't think that was your intent but simply my digressing dearest Poetess, I either ramble or simply smile. Bravo.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    in a mass of things hidden
    deeper than skin

    Love it.

  • vertigo beat
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i liked the first half most. second half is also good. but i liked first half the most. i should say the first three-fourth's actually. or something like that. i am rambling. sorry.


  • Angelflower
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was truly amazing.. The a intense's in this piece that was felt all the way through to the end..
    This was a really good write..
    Good luck in the contest..
    Peace to you, Jetleena


  • myrataal silver member
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Textured and Intense.

    This poem carried a tension between bitter and sweet; between smooth and rustic; between reason and emotion. The title and the "soft notes of quietness" suggested by its tautology the yearned for serenity in a reality which is not so accommodating.

    Well written poem, challenging the reader to reflect on all connotations of the words.

    Well done.
    Myra


  • jbbrandi
    April 3, 2008

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    Geez-la-weez...that's incredible. You've left me absolutely speechless...your words are used so well, and they just speak...I don't know what else to say. You've done well...very well...wow...


  • cheaphotelsign
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i knew i was gonna love this when i saw the title. you are an incredible writer. this is truly stunning. the pictures you offer are unsurpassed...i'm stupified.lol made me tear. so rich and so much power. you write with power. 'beautiful' does not do this justice.


  • Lotus-Mama
    April 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    So beautiful!!!!! I love it! I feel it! I also love your picture!

1 - 14 of 14