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Haiku by Riley

Terrible am I,
To leave this world behind me,
But I've nothing left.

Author notes

Ok. It's hard to critique a haiku, but cruelty would be aprecciated. lol. Thanx. Rye.

A contest entry

So.... What'd ya think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh very sad, but I've often found myself feeling this way also. Can't really critique, but I do like it.


  • Angels Whispers gold member
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thought Provoking

    Hello Rye
    I hope this note greets you with a happy heart.I sure hope that this is only your muse speaking and not your true feelings, because to me this poem reads of wanting to leave this world,and you feel terrible about wanting to do this, because deep down, you know it's a terrible thing to want to do... but you feel that you have nothing left in this world to keep you here, am I reading your poem right? because if so, then in my eyes, this is a great write,and I can relate to every word written.
    I wish you all the best in the contest


  • Dark Otter
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Like it.

    I only question the first line. If there is nothing to hold you to this world, why would you be terrible to leave it? (loathe, reluctant, unhappily and anguish). It would alter slightly line 2. Line 3 I think is perfect.