Your are my brekfast you are always there for me you make sure im doing okay but when you break my heart it destorys everything i have worked for life is not woth living anymore becuase you broke my heart
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that was really good i read all ur poems and i loved them all including this one i loved all ur work and this one just as great as all ur other pieces good luck with the rest of ur writing and i loved all ur work
u r a really good writer i hope u know that -
eh?
I'm sorry, but... "you are my breakfast"? Unless your date is sweet (which I'm sure s/he is) and edible, I don't think that the analogy is the most appropriate.
Secondly, this would look a lot better broken up into smaller stanzas, and it definitely wouldn't hurt to proofread your work. Editing can make or break a poem, and poor spelling or grammar can detract from its full effect. After all, you want to give your reader an emotional punch to the face; not just a slap.
Oh, and a piece of advice to you: never, EVER compromise yourself for someone else, even if you "love" him or her. I know breaking up is hard; I've been there as an adult; but you cannot let someone else's actions dictate how you live your life. You're young, and you have plenty of time to find love, so just sit back and let time run its course.
Take care,
Laura, aka Immortal
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I relised
Duh! NEWS FLASH i know read my other poems i knopw it suckled I AM A MUXCH BETTER POET NOW
SO GET UR FACTS STRAIGHT >
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Well, I'm glad that you realize that... Everyone's work gets better with time. Still, there is no need to shout at people who are trying to help you better your work. I'd love to help you go back and edit this; whether you accept the assistance I have offered or continue to be rude is up to you.
Laura
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nice i love it
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